End of October 2019 was when I became homeless. This photo was taken at 6am outside a friend's house. I then argued with the taxi driver who refused to put my stuff in the boot, making clear he wasn't a removal service and tried kicking me out.

(STORY THREAD)

Moving this stuff around with no car was gruelling, and I often had to do it by foot.

I hired the smallest storage locker possible so I could have a bit of peace of mind as to where my things were, but it was just another cost to pay out for.

I was so stressed out, the psoriasis in my scalp got out of control. I also dropped down to 6 stone in weight and was barely eating. I even had an onion for dinner at the hostel, because I had nothing else!

I then spent Christmas the hostel, with no family, just my fellow homeless women. Presents were donated toothbrushes, tinned food and oversized socks & knickers!

I had so many body washes, I ended up redonating them myself 6 months later.

I was street sex working at the time, and ended up in hospital after an assault. I had a catheter in for 2 months, when it was removed I went straight back out to work, but police sent me home due to COVID lockdown in March.

I felt desperate after so many months with no income.

By the summer, I was exhausted and my former abuser who I fled to begin with had found me again. I had decided to slowly buy furniture and things for a home, that I hoped to eventually have some day. I felt I had nothing else to cling on hope for.

On 2nd of June, I sat in the garden with my support worker and cried as I signed the tenancy for my flat, which had absolutely nothing in except the floorboards, and a bed the council gave me. I didn't care, because it was mine.

The second photo was taken the following morning, and my support worker bought me a bunch of flowers and a card. I was absolutely itching to get decorating and making it a home.

Everything made me excited; making a meal, picking curtains, potting plants and above all, having a bookcase!

For me this was the biggest signifier that I could finally settle, because my belongings were no longer scattered everywhere. They could finally be in one place.

For the first time in my life, I had a double bed, with a new mattress and a bed frame, that I chose!

You can tell all the pillowcases are different, but it is hard to keep these things together when you move often. I was shocked by the costs of mattresses too.

In the boxing day sales this year, I reluctantly bought myself something because I wanted it! Not furniture, towels, food, bills or whatever else and I felt incredibly guilt, and I instantly told myself off and started panicking about money.

No matter what happens in my daily life, I feel incredibly grateful that have somewhere to go, can close the door and my things are here - especially after a bad day.

I don't know why I wrote this thread, but I was looking at my camera roll and reflecting on the past few years.

Id like to say this is a lovely story of great achievement, and everything is all good now. Although I feel very lucky to be where I am, I cant deny it has been absolutely gruelling.

Things aren't always that easy when it comes to before and after photos on social media.

The mental scars of homelessness are often ignored because people are trying hard to reach their basic and immediate material needs, but then feel they can't complain once they have them.

Housing insecurity scares me more than anything, and I struggle to spend money on myself in fear of it spiralling out of control and I end up homeless again. It's why I will never quit sex work, because no matter how much I dislike it, being homeless again is worse.

My plants have grown, and I can't believe I've lived here long enough for this to happen!

Despite living here now for 8 months now, I'm still too scared to call it home, in case I get attached to it and have it ripped away from me. I dont think I could mentally cope.

I still sit in counselling each week trying to overcome these fears, worrying all the time and living on edge. I remember telling my worker in the garden that this is it; I would rather walk infront of a train than be homeless, or have to flee an abuser and start over again

When I read about resolving homelessness, its always in terms of providing people a roof and 4 walls, but to be frank, that's just the start of it.

I had spent so many years running away from something, someone or trying to get by, I was always in flight mode.

Despite finally having somewhere stable, and it was everything I craved, my mental health had never been so bad. It was like someone had slammed the stop button, and then a massive wave caught up on me, and I suddenly found myself dealing with everything I had endured.

It will probably take years to deal with, but I'm getting there.

Snuggling into bed at night with fresh sheets, after a hot shower with a full tummy is perhaps when I feel most content and thankful.

It really is the little things in life that mean the most.

I'm so lucky to have brilliant support workers and people who wanted to help me. Strangers I had never met helped me move, brought their tools over and done fixings and out up my curtain poles! People online helped buy furniture, and even the bean bag I sat on for months.

I really wouldn't wish the past 2 years on anyone, because not only was it unbearable at times and took a massive toll on me, but the impacts are life long. The experiences will never leave me, and all I can do is manage the impact rather than alleviate it.

I also lied to the family I was in contact with the entire time because I didn't think they would give a shit, and I didnt want to explain myself. When they found out I had been homeless, was a street sex worker and heroin addict, they called me a liar and stopped speaking to me.

They actually never questioned why I was in a hostel, and it felt almost symbolic they said they didn't want nothing to do with me on the day I signed for my keys. We haven't spoken since, and I finally feel I can be honest without worrying anymore.

I forgot to mention, I wrote a very long blog post about what it is like living in a complex needs hostel. I brief over it in this thread but it I discuss mental health, street sex work & the lives of people I lived with

https://street-hooker.com/2020/06/15/living-in-a-complex-needs-hostel/

I did contact a local org who provide immediate accomm. I did the assessment and said I was a sex worker, and the guy replied 'oh well that changes everything, we'll have to be careful who we put you with now if you know what I mean'

I never went back, and it really upset me.