Joss Whedon: hey everyone it’s me your woke bae!
Whedon: ha ha!
Angela Carter: you gotta lot of nerve showing up
Whedon: gee wow, kinda weirdly hostile vibes tonight!
Whedon: what’s up with that?
Carter:
Whedon: ohhh
Whedon: all that stuff I did

Joss Whedon: oh I see
Whedon: who’re you going to believe?
Whedon: a dozen actors and my ex-wife? Or me, your woke bae?
Whedon: don’t you know who I am?? I’m joss whedon!
Whedon: I solved horror!
Whedon: I invented give shiny things to weasels day!

Whedon: listen I know it looks kind of bad
Whedon: what with a dozen actors saying I’m abusive
Whedon: and my ex-wife saying I’m a sex creep
Barker: and also cabin in the woods sucking ass
Barker: that’s unrelated, I just wanted to get that out there
Whedon:
Barker: but go on

Whedon: so see I really am a woke bae
Whedon: but the studio meddled and forced me to sleep with all those women
Whedon: and also to abuse actors
Whedon: just like they meddled to ruin all the movies that I made that turned out bad!

Koontz: like the buffy movie?
Whedon: yes!
King: and Alien 4?
Whedon: yes!
Barker: and cabin in the woods?
Whedon:
Barker: ah ha ha

Carter: you can’t just abuse actresses, these women have permanent mental trauma now
Whedon: women w permanent… mental trauma?
Carter: yes i OH JESUS
Carter: for real?
Whedon: I’m sorry I didn’t know you were gonna talk dirty
Whedon: I wouldn’t have worn sweatpants today

Whedon: ok but for real see
Whedon: you know I deconstruct tropes, that’s my thing dawg!
Whedon: by disrespecting women, I was deconstructing feminism
Whedon: so actually by disrespecting women
Whedon: I was actually doing a subversion of your narrative expectations

Whedon: so you might say
Whedon: I’m being even MORE feminist in fact
Angela Carter:
Carter:
Whedon: eh? eh?
Carter:

King: hm you know when you put it that way
Carter: no Stephen
King: well he makes a point
Carter: Stephen we love you but sometimes you’re too credulous
King: that’s not fair to say
Carter: how many times did JK Rowling trick you into eating birdseed laced with ball bearings? 5?

King: ok but in all fairness that was a really good trick
King: and also Philip pullman fell for it like 8 times