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Advice for Tweet Thieves
(a thread)
(a thread)
1. If you put in a lot of misspellings, then your thievery might not show up in a search.
2. Add in a bunch of laughter emojis to show that you're the lighthearted kind of revolting parasite.
3. Practice apologies for when you get caught, like "Stealing tweets is all I've got left since the untreated gonorrhea took my genitals from me."
4. The Rule of Twos: Change two words or add two words. But don't go overboard; you don't want to risk having an original thought.
5. Be the real victim. Tell your accusers, "Unstolen tweets took my dad's job at the factory."
6. Block everyone who isn't a tweet thief. Then everyone around you will be as low as you are, and you won't have to fear their judgment.
7. Change your banner to a picture of a tapeworm.
8. Why don't you just stop stealing tweets? Why would you want to be an embarrassing, dishonest piece of slime anyway?
