To anyone out there working in a profession where you are encouraged to routinely ask people if they have been sexually abused as children, please do remember that the way you respond to any disclosure will likely stay with that person forever. You need to get it right. A thread:

1. Before you even ask the question, you need to consider why you are asking it. Is it an appropriate question to ask at this time? Something as important as this can’t just become a box ticking exercise. This could get painful and messy. Still want to ask?

2. You also need to be prepared to hear about some truly awful experiences. If the person disclosing wants to share details, you have to be prepared for that. You have to feel OK to sit with that, & be supportive. Any doubts - don’t ask the question. This is about them, not you.

3. The manner in which you ask the question is also important. Show respect..e.g. for some people, having an ACE’s questionnaire to complete (once you’ve obtained full informed consent) might be preferable to a proper conversation, & vice versa. They should have the control.

4. OK, so you want to ask & it’s an appropriate time. Explain why you’re asking & then explain what will happen with any information potentially disclosed. I don’t just mean about times where you’d have to break confidentiality - explain clearly where this info will be recorded.

5. Remember that to you, a disclosure of abuse might be part of your routine work, but to the person disclosing, this is HUGE. It *will* affect them. They might be shocked by you asking, say no outright, feel obliged to share, or they might welcome the chance. It’s overwhelming.

6. The answer to your question may not always be a simple “yes” or “no”. Be prepared for that. For example, someone might say “Yes, but I do not wish to talk about it”. You need to respect that. Equally, someone might out right tell you to mind your own business. That’s OK too.

7. Bear in mind your insistence on routine enquiry might mean the person you ask is in no way prepared for you asking. It might shock them. It might upset them. For example, having a health visitor ask a new mum (this was piloted in Wales) is likely to feel shocking for the mum.

8. You have a huge responsibility with how you respond. Please don’t forget that. Ask the person if they would like to talk about it any further, & respect whatever they decide. Be prepared to have details to hand of any relevant organisations that might help. But don’t force it.

9. If someone says yes, please do not go on to ask loads of questions about it. Asking someone if they were sexually abused as a child is a big enough question as it is without you feeling as though you have the right to then ask who the abuser was, & when/where it happened etc.

10. Don’t tell them that the abuse made them who they are today, or that they are stronger because of it. That might sound like a positive thing to say, but it isn’t. Also, don’t tell them not to be a “victim”, bcs that’s placing a judgement on how they cope with the aftermath.

11. Don’t tell them that they need to report the abuse to the police, or tell them that they need to think of protecting other children. That is not OK. Remember to validate their feelings. Also, do not minimise the abuse if they provide any details.

12. Don’t pressure them to disclose to anyone else. It is none of your business who they decide to share this with. Show compassion. Believe them. Offer them a further chance to discuss with you at a later date. Don’t just hurry to end the appt without any offer of a follow up.

13. Thank them for disclosing and reassure them that you believe them and acknowledge how huge it is to share something so personal with you. Don’t rush them out the door afterwards. Give them the space they need. If you can’t do that, don’t ask the question.

14. Ask the person again at the end, if they are OK with this being recorded somewhere permanently (like their NHS medical records for example if a GP or MH prof is asking) - they have the right to decide whether they want this information shared with others. End of Thread.