Why is my coffee shop giving me quests

It turns out I can get 20% off my next taco bell order if I bring them 5 kobold pelts

I wonder how many lattes I need to drink before I can level up to cast fireball.

OK guys here's the new strat, hopefully it'll be useful for speedruns.

Go to Fremont and go the Safeway near the BART station, the one with a Starbucks inside it.
Go inside and purchase any latte. The variation doesn't matter, just so long as it's a latte.

Take it to the BART station. Now you can either purchase a ticket or you can just hope to get lucky. Skipping the ticket saves some money and time, and the spawn rate of ticket inspectors is bugged anyway. But if you do get the ticket, you must do it now.

Find the old man who will ask if you know how to purchase a ticket. Tell him no, and he'll demonstrate it for you.
Note: when you do this, you'll temporarily lose your name. That's why you had to order the ticket earlier, as you're now an unperson

After he shows you how to get a ticket, you need to ride the BART to Alameda without exiting the area.
As soon as you enter a new area while not on the BART, your name will be restored.

Try not to talk to anyone in the BART. This isn't part of the glitch, it's just standard public transit etiquette.

When you get to the Alameda BART station, you're going to want to walk off the platform but DO NOT LEAVE THE STATION.
That would restore your name.

Instead, wait for the train to depart. You'll find that you can now cross the rails and there's a back exit to the station that was left in by mistake. Exit that way, and go directly to the island shore.

The loading zones here are glitchy and inconsistent and not fully mapped but if you take the shortest route you should make it there without an area transition. If you do end up leaving the area, you'll have to reset and go talk to the old man again.

When you get to the shore, you need to drop all your items and then pick them up again. The goal is to get the latte into the 6th slot.

So in my case, I drop everything and then pick up my keys, wallet, phone, mask, glasses, then latte. Bam, latte is in 6th slot.

Now you need to walk into the bay about half a meter. The land vs. ocean status is the tiles are glitched here, so the game thinks you're on land and can talk to people, but since you're not on land the encounter list doesn't get initialized.

Walk up and down the bay shore until you randomly encounter a non-binary person. Who you'll encounter depends on the 3rd, 5th, or 7th letter of your name, but if it's qwrtp or end-of-name, you'll encounter foone.

Encountering foone for the first time off the shores of Alameda Island with a missing name and at least 6 items in your inventory will cause them to glitch your pokedex and instead of recording that you met foone, the high bit of the 6th item in your inventory will be set.

So if you check your inventory again, you'll notice that you're now holding 128 lattes.

Don't attempt to capture foone at this point, as they'll corrupt your hall of champions data and probably call the police on you for kidnapping.

Anyway, now you can return to the starbucks by any method. BART is usually fastest but if you have a car and you hit a bad transit schedule cycle, you can return that way too, it doesn't matter.

Now you just need to turn in your lattes for the quest. It was programmed to expect you to only be able to complete it once, so by turning in 128 lattes, you'll be able to level up 42 times.

Note that you'll have two lattes left over: as tempting as it might be to then purchase another latte and get a 43rd level up, it won't work. Now that you've turned in the lattes, the quest is marked as complete, and can't be done again.

It'd be nice to be able to purchase another latte prior to turning them in, but since you're already carrying over the max item count (of 99) you can't buy any more.

It also doesn't help to buy two lattes at the beginning of the exploit. Not only does this greatly increase the chance of getting the "whoops" random event and spilling both, but when the MissingFoone glitch happens it will set your latte count to 128, no matter how many you have

Anyway this is only the best way we know so far on how to use the MISSINGFOONE glitch to speedrun. It's possible we can find a better item to duplicate or a way to corrupt other memory with it.

It's obviously be far more useful to clone high level items like Gold Bars or Priceless Diamonds with the glitch, and while you can indeed use it on those items, the amount of grinding you'd have to do to get them in the first place makes it a non-viable strat for speedruns.

Also be careful using this glitch on certain "personalized" items. It's often useless or broke with those.

Like, you might consider duplicating your phone: all the phones have the same IMSI so they will conflict with each other on the cellular network, and none will work anymore.

And in the modern age of debit cards and credit cards, duping your wallet is less useful than you'd expect.
If you dupe a debit card, you don't have twice as much money in the bank, you just have two cards pointing to the same bank account.

Also in many locations its not legal to have two driver's licenses, so you could potentially get in trouble if you've already completed the DMV questline.

And if you're trying to find an alternate set up for the glitch, keep in mind that you need a Starbucks inside another location. Stand alone Starbucks will take your name to write on the cup, and having this extra pointer to your name will keep the Old Man glitch from working

The smaller mini-Starbucks inside grocery stores and such usually don't, which means you can pull off the glitch without issue.

Am obvious future improvement would be to find a shore tile location closer than Alameda to trigger the MISSINGFOONE glitch, or a way to trigger the OLDMAN glitch other than in Fremont. That'd save a lot of travel time.

Newby Island in Milpitas does contain shore tiles, but because it's a landfill zone, there's no known way to get there from the BART station without triggering level transition, which resets your name.

Transitioning usually changes your name, of course.

Anyway this got surprisingly popular for a shitpost and adhd writing prompt so I'm gonna link my Ko-fi because it's appropriate and funny, you know? https://ko-fi.com/fooneturing 

Please support my research into finding item duplication glitches in real life.

It'll be hilarious if we get to that post scarcity automated luxury communism future because someone found a glitch in reality involving losing your name and talking to someone with wet feet whilst holding a latte.

"so how did the future get to this point, where there's no war or hunger, and we all lie around in crystal spires and togas writing poetry?"
"oh we discovered fusion and matter-energy conversion and hard AI overseers to fulfill our every need"
"wow, really?"
"uhhh... No."

"some hacker figured out that if you order a coffee and then take public transit over to a body of water and talk to a non-binary idiot with waterlogged shoes, it glitches reality and creates matter from nothing."
"I can see why you didn't want to admit that."

"that doesn't explain the communism, though."
"well you try doing a capitalism when everyone can get infinite free anything!"

"and crystal towers?"
"hey, diamond is a pretty good material for building things out of, once you have infinite of it."
"the hard AI?"
"It turns out if you can duplicate CPUs freely it's not that hard to build a supercomputer smarter than a human."

"and the togas?"
"I don't know, they're just comfortable, man."

Actually now that I think about it, I can kinda justify that one too.
Togas were used partially because they were not very labor intensive. You're basically making a big square of cloth, instead of having to sew it into an appropriate shape for clothes.

This uses more material but less labor.

Which is perfect if you're in a situation which is post-scarcity with regards to materials but not labor.

Because if cloth is free and sewing needs work, a toga is perfect.

Ignoring the fact that in my stupid scenario you could just make other types of clothing and then dupe them, so the labor cost would only be the initial production cost.

Also togas are circular or semi-circular. I'm not sure where I got "square" from.

Also if you Google toga, you get togas, but if you image search it, you get anime figurines

She's not even wearing a toga! I feel ripped off.