Pastors who grew up in dysfunctional families share a struggle to ever feel like things are "ok."

We either feel the pressure to make everything ok, or if things are ok, it's only because we have constantly worked to keep it that way (and things will not be ok if we stop) 1/

This is not simply a lack of faith. It comes from having played the role of "hero" in our dysfunctional family. It is engrained in our being to play the role of stabilizer. However, we couldn't keep things "ok" for long, because it wasn't really in our control anyway. 2/

But now, "ok" is never enough because we don't really know what "ok" feels like. Everyone tells us things are good, and we can see that, but we also see that it's more fragile than everyone thinks. We believe this ministry could go upside-down at any moment. 3/

This has been a genuine challenge for me planting a church because early on, it literally does feel like it could go upside-down at any moment! This is exhausting for someone who also easily slips into judging my value based on my performance. 4/

Andrew Murray's book "Humility" has been a game changer for me in this.

Humility is 'the place of entire dependence on God,' the simple sense of entire nothingness that leaves God free to be all. 5/

This is not saying we are of no value, but only that we are most like what we are created to be, when we presume to be nothing but what God places in us to be. Our greatest joy will not be in being something, but in seeing God be everything. 6/

In false humility, we say, "I'm only a little bit." But this means God is not all, only most. This means more depends on us than we were intended to carry & God receives less glory than all that he is worthy of. Glory means weight, & he gets gets all b/c he carries all for us. 7/

The most beautiful thing we can be is an empty vessel to be filled with whatever we need, in order to do whatever God wants us to do.

We are not the hero of the Church, it already has one. 8/8