It is to have doctors make comments about how “you thought you were having contractions” when it was determined that you were actually having contractions (it wasn’t just in your head) and at risk for preterm labour.

It is to put your faith in midwives only to realize that they are just as capable of causing you harm when their racial biases go unchecked.

It is to have them interrogate you through your contractions telling you that you “don’t look or sound like you’re in enough pain” for them to believe you. It’s being told to “come back when you look like you’re in more pain”

It is staying up late desperately researching & seeking someone else to take over your care because you genuinely fear for you and babies life in the hands of these “professionals”

It is to have the most beautiful experience of your life tainted by racial biases and discrimination. It’s placing your most sacred experience in the hands of those who do not value you or your life because of the color of your skin.

It is to understand that the scariest part about childbirth is not the long list of physical things that could happen but WHO will be there with the responsibility to care for you if it does.

It is letting go of the desire to be resilient. You’re tired of being strong and you’re tired of saying you’re okay. You’re not. You’re tired and you just want to have the luxury of experiencing “normal” pregnancy fears unrelated to being Black.