Some truths we all need to get better at accepting

1) Nobody else is putting this much effort into nitpicking your tone, your phrasing, any of this stuff. Even if they were concerned with that, they would be approaching it from THEIR values not YOURS

2) People are worried about themselves. People have their own struggles. Nobody is putting that much effort into decoding the things you say that way

If someone wants to nitpick you in bad faith, they will do it regardless of any slight phrasing variations or w/e you might make

3) If people want to correct you or dislike the way you're interacting they will say something

You have to trust people (especially marginalized people) to be able to do this instead of attempting to predict what may or may not upset us without us giving any input

People who struggle with this stuff are often really hard to bring genuine conflict to because they feel like they have already triple checked everything, they are so critical of themselves that you're not allowed to be

Instead of trying to be perfect, work on accepting that conflict is inevitable and figure out how to handle it better

Because all of this stuff is just wasting resourcing on avoiding conflict rather than learning how to resolve it and actually LISTEN to other people