I do stand-up.

In 2018, I was at a comedy festival and I saw a white power chant. This festival was connected to and endorsed by The Proud Boys.

I called them out and afterwards, to take ownership my own experience, it ruined my life. https://newrepublic.com/article/161200/alt-right-comedy-gavin-mcinnes-problem

The quick story is that Legion of Skanks ran a comedy festival, the week before the fest, someone publicly called out the show and the venue (Creek and the Cave) for their relationship with The Proud Boys, and a bunch of "established" comics rushed to control the conversation...

...and to protect the venue.

The established comics circling to protect the venue and shaming those who were criticizing it provided a chilling effect towards "lower status" comics from speaking up and saying their displeasure.

Something that really bothered me was seeing Tim Dillon write this long, rambling sentimental rant supporting The Creek's role in the community even though previously he told me to my face he thought it was a "dump," the owner was "an idiot" and "it'd be closed in 5 years."

Everything struck me as very cynical, calculated and callous.

People with power were using "community" as a shield from very valid criticism - that white supremacists have invaded our supposedly "community" space.

So, a week later, I'm standing there at this comedy festival (I was only there to pick up a friend) and the festival runner launches the all-white audience into an "ironic" 'white power' chant.

I see it, I don't react, and then I left. I was at the festival for a total of 20 min

I left, but the chant stuck in my head. I brought it up to everyone I saw, checking their temperature of how they felt about it. It stewed in me for a really long time and, with the support of people I love, I decided to speak up.

So I made a private facebook post. It wasn't even that accusatory, it was;

"I saw a white power chant at Skankfest, and that bothers me, is that right?"

And it caught a LOT of attention. People got really mad at it, and other people got super defensive.

A really long story short is the podcast behind the festival asked me to go on, saying that it'd be a one-on-one interview and in good faith. I said yes.

The day of the podcast, my girlfriend convinced me that this is an obvious trap and I flaked on them and said fuck off.

Yeah, I'm not perfect and did something socially shitty to them but also they're the ones paling around with white supremacists and there was no way the podcast was going to go well for me.

What happened was I got doxxed.

The guy in charge of the podcast screenshoted me and my name shitting on me, another comic (someone who we were friendly with up until that point) revealed to his fans that I gave my kid up for adoption. Someone else scoured my social media and found my son's name.

At the height, I was getting about a death threat every minute, including threats directed towards my son and edited photos I posted of him on facebook (mistake, I know).

It's indescribable how it feels when you have a kid and you see someone describe killing them.

Comics who I would describe the experience to would just look at me blankly without sympathy because every comic is a responsibility-dodging perpetual child who are terrified of life.

I doubled down.

My case was that this stuff was happening at Creek and the Cave, which was a community space and the only area we really had leverage.

In response, the creek banned me and canceled my best friend's show.

By the time things petered off, I was traumatized. It drove me offline for about 2 years, which severed me my community and opportunists.

It made me less willing to go to mics or shows and I got the vibe that comics looked at me as a toxic asset, you touch me and you get burned

Something that I am very bitter about is...I acknowledge that there were people supportive of me, and I'll always be appreciative of that, but also I didn't know a person could have so many friends who either disappoint or straight-up undermine a person over calling out racism.

Like, ppl with clout - specifically political clout...comedians who are known for speaking up on either 'woke' or "leftist" issues and Vulture will write articles about how "political" they are privately told me I had their support but then wouldn't back that support with action

And comics who, by their words, would absolutely not be doing comedy (in some cases, wouldn't have a paid career) without my early support, resources and encouragement, threw me under the bus and openly shit on me, all for the benefit of white supremacist groups

And then there were other people who were just day-to-day friends who looked at me like I was crazy. Nobody except for some *really* special people wanted to step up and increase the surface area of the blow these people were delivering.

A year later, LoS and The Creek hosted Milo, and by then the seal of criticism was broken and people did pile on The Creek and exerted enough social pressure to get LoS kicked out

But, by then I was done. I didn't want to be a target ever again or re-expose myself to harassment

I honestly don't think I ever had a chance at a "comedy" career because the whole system is rigged and far away from a meritocracy....but me stepping up severed me from my community in a big way.

Because the whole industry pits us against one another, and we're told that "nothing is off limits" except for when it comes to the economic and power structures that has all of us devout our talents to a ten-year unpaid internship that never pays off.

I dunno. I used to talk about it all the time and was very bitter and knotted up over the event...and I still am!...but I learned it makes people nervous when you talk about it so I don't talk about it anymore.

But I talk about it in my head all the time. It's what fractured a "career" I was building for eight years. And I don't think I can really explain how you bounce back from being told my son is going to get fellated by a sh*tg*n

I doubt anyone will read this and don't really have a conclusion. I probably should listen my instinct that says "don't talk about it"

I think, to have a call to action, build a worker-owned worker-centered comedy community because everything else will fuck you like it fucked me