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FLOWERS FOR VASES // DESCANSOSa track-by-track thread review/analysis/impression of the 2021 LP from @yelyahwilliams begins below
FIRST THING TO GO // the album opens with an ache, the rage that opened PETALS FOR ARMOR has faded into forgetting, tinged with fear; the fear of forgetting something that was once a part of us. there’s also a sense of knowing that echoes throughout the track;
knowledge that forgetting is what needs to happen in order to heal. it feels like the musical manifestation of romanticizing the past, regardless of the pain that lead to the decision to move forward.
the track perfectly captures what it’s like to find yourself alone for the first time in your life with references to talking to yourself and drifting back to warm, glowing memories that are clouded with the fog of delusion.
looking back on the past often leaves us longing for something that, at best, no longer exists and at worst never did to begin with. FIRST THING TO GO walks us through one of the most painful stages of independence— learning to love what’s left.
MY LIMB begins with a bold declaration: “if you gotta amputate, don’t give me the tourniquet.” if you are going to remove a part of me, let me bleed out. i don’t know that i want to go on without it.
like cutting off your nose to spite your face, it’s the feeling of abandoning your whole self because one part isn’t working. when you are so enmeshed in someone or something that you can’t tell when you end and they begin; them leaving feels like leaving your self.
MY LIMB wades through the pain of learning that if you don’t remove what’s infected and tend to your self, you will be lost. what’s left after amputation is recovery— learning to do what you once were able, but without the help of your now-missing limb.
healing is possible, but things likely won’t be the same. phantom pain may persist, but the infected, unusable limb has been removed and you are now able to heal and go forward. just because a part of you is missing doesn’t mean you can’t keep going.
ASYSTOLE // another declaration opens ASYSTOLE, “i don’t live for you, i live for me” @yelyahwilliams sings, trying to convince herself of something she doesn’t believe to be true. the disentangling has begun and we have started to parse out where one ends and the other begins.
an asystolic heart has lost all ability to beat. there is no electrical activity in the heart; complete cardiac arrest. ASYSTOLE describes a relationship that has ended, but we are refusing to let die.
we are debating pulling the plug, but are still scared to lose it completely. searching deep inside of ourselves for the strength to go forward, but finding our own heart paralyzed.
it’s the particular pain of mulling over the things we can’t change, but aching for things to be different. ASYSTOLE echoes that ache through your ribcage, trying to replace the love of another with the love for yourself.
only two percent of individuals that experience asystole or total cardiac arrest survive, but the key change at the end implies that we are part of that two percent. we’ve revived the love for ourselves (or god, the end feels very faith-based) and are able to keep going.
