Male Leadership:Single Moms:God’s Grace

{I have words today. They might be messy. But they’re coming out.}

My kids go to youth group (socially distanced. Don’t @ me.) and there has been an issue with my son’s group. I’m going to lay it out so that it might help someone else.

The call from a well intended leader is that there must be a man in the home. That kids must have a strong male leader. Fundamentally I don’t disagree (just as they need strong females), but the narrative veers to the pitfalls of what will happen if they don’t have it. Now!

I know what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to encourage these young men to be that person in their future lives, to call them to all he knows they’re capable of.

My son’s perspective? Read the room!!! We (himself and other students) are the kids who are being raised by single

mothers! You have communicated to us that our circumstances (that we and our mothers who have no control over) is hopeless. In that we will be permanently and negatively impacted by it. Well, first of all- duh. Yeah, we caught that already.

Second, “there needs to be a man in the home” sends damaging messages to children of single mothers. They need messages of character and I’ll get to that. But this cautionary tactic hits like they are damaged humans and that the damage can’t be healed, that it’s a hopelessly

forgone conclusion that without a male they will be forever defunct. Read that again! My 12 year old walks away hearing - You can’t control this, the damage is vast and that’s it. Period. The end.

Now. He sits back and ponders...
-Would it be better to have two healthy parents in my home.? Yes.
-Is my mom leading badly or insufficiently? No!!
-Will I be okay and someday be a man of character, even though there is brokenness in my family? Yes!!!

He needs to hear:
-That he can get beyond these wounds.
-That he can heal.
-That where your circumstances lack the grace of God is sufficient in your life.
-That his mom is a great leader and he’s safe in her leadership.
-That he isn’t a “broken thing”.

-That you believe in him.
-That you believe in his mom.
-That his family is beautiful.

He needs to see you just BEING a man of character. And then tell him that you see that man in him too.

Single moms... Phew. Okay. Parenting is hard no matter the package it comes in. Here’s the thing...

You can do this. I know, you’re tired. You can do this.

You can lead your children well. You’re already doing it. Not sufficiently- well!

You show up for your people everyday and they’re proud of you.

Nobody gets to take one tiny bit of responsibility or power away from you.

You pursue a healing path, and in that demonstrate to your people the healing way.

You don’t have to have it all figured out.

God’s abundance and grace will fill the gaps and the lack.

Mom. You are a rockstar. And your kids will be okay.