Your reminder that the Westminster Confession lists four purposes for marriage, and “sanctifying you because it’s hard” isn’t one of them.

The WCF isn’t the Bible, of course, but I think they were wiser than we on this point.

Marriage *can,* of course be hard, either for a season or the duration, and like any challenge, that can be sanctifying. But it’s not somehow unique in that, nor is that the point of it. If your marriage is going well, are you missing out on holiness? Better start some fights!

As a wise friend told me at my bachelor party, “People will tell you that marriage is hard, but it doesn’t *have* to be.” His point wasn’t that you can do something to guarantee it won’t ever be hard, but that it’s no good to make it that way, or accept it that way, avoidably.

I don’t think the “marriage is hard” theme has to be toxic, but it certainly can get there in cases of abuse. But even absent abuse, it’s one thing to recognize that marriage isn’t just a happy romp all the time, and another to assume a hard marriage has to stay hard. It may not!

And singles have not missed out on being sanctified because they aren’t married. (Nor non-parents by not having kids.)

I wish we could retire this whole theme, except as targeted encouragement for those who are struggling, and as a possibility for the engaged to bear in mind.