I am procrastinating so much. So instead of working, i'm going to talk about common sense parenting stuff.

Common Sense Parenting™ doesn't need experience or special classes or anything clever. Just 1 brain cell, a sense of empathy and a willingness to do what's needed. That willingness to learn, regroup, learn again, is driven by love.

I mean, something obvious: don't allow your child to do something once that they'll get in trouble for next time. They can't know your whims or moods. They can't read your mind. Decide what your big deals are, and let go of everything else.

Don't laugh when they smack their brother cos their cross lil face looks cute, when next time you'll yell at them for doing the same thing.

Remember what it felt like to be a child. It's already confusing, sometimes scary, even with the best & most loving of parents. Remember how you felt when your parents did what you're about to do #commonsenseparent

Don't set them up to fail by expecting something they can't give. A 3 yr old can't sit quietly for 2 hrs in church or whatever. A 10 yr is not going to remember everything they have to do, all by themselves without some sort of system or plan or guidance #commonsenseparent

No child is going to learn that physical violence is not the way to solve problems when that's the way they see you solving problems #commonsenseparent

No child is going to learn patience, tolerance and kindness towards others if they don't see you do it, and don't feel you doing to towards them #commonsenseparent

The consequences of their actions have to be logical, not invented. If you run around in here, you'll knock over the lamp, it will break and you'll hurt yourself. That's a natural consequence. What further "punishment" is needed? #commonsenseparent

When you make all your consequences invented and not natural, what you get is ppl who drink and drive, but know how to avoid roadblocks. Who wear masks so they don't get arrested, not because they might make someone sick #commonsenseparent

Taking away privileges is not a natural consequence. There's no natural connection between a messy room & losing internet access. What it actually is: "by not doing your part, you've made more work for others, making us feel disrespected. Is that how you want to make us feel?"

Natural consequences fall into like, 3 basic categories: safety (mine & others), empathy (I don't want to make someone else feel bad by my actions), responsibility (I have things that are mine to handle) #commonsenseparent

What you're looking for is ways to help them learn how falling short of those natural consequences makes them feel: that's self-discipline. There's ways to do that at every single age, no matter how small. #commonsenseparent

A question you gotta ask yourself as a #commonsenseparent: it's a hard one:

Do I actually want to do this? 100% guaranteed, if you don't actually want to be parenting, your child will know, and they will carry that with them forever.

Every child is different. Their personalities thrive on different things. Your job is to watch and learn from them what they need. Are they quiet or naturally boisterous? Can they speak their mind easily or will they need your help to express themselves? #commonsenseparent

Example: a child who hates being the centre of attention will avoid it at all costs. You'll get an obedient "easy" lil star, but maybe one who never puts themselves first #commonsenseparent

Or: you could get a headstrong & outspoken child who doesn't hesitate to make their opinions known & can express themselves. Great & healthy when they're grown up, but toddlerhood will be hard #commonsenseparent

You could get a girl who turns out to be a boy. Or a child who has a talent for something not yet invented. Or one who doesn't communicate in the usual way but who still needs to be heard. You have to take what you get, and help them find their way to happiness #commonsenseparent

And yes. Of course it's a lot of bloody hard work. Of course it's allowed to feel like a lot for you. Of course you're allowed to struggle, and say so! What you're not allowed to do is give up for longer than it takes to drink a cup of tea and start over #commonsenseparent

Just keep coming back to: does this make sense? To understand what I want, are they going to have to decipher my inner thoughts, past experiences, pet peeves, mood of the day - or am I telling them what I need them to do, and why. Is it always the same? #commonsenseparent

Is what I'm telling them (don't hit your brother) directly contradicted by my reaction (they get spanked)?
Don't shout at me (while conducting all your discipline at 100 decibels) #commonsenseparent

You want your child's personality to be shaped by positive exposure to the good things that suit them best. Creating a personality entirely out of reaction, deflection & coping mechanisms never allows them to be who they were supposed to be. That is so so sad #commonsenseparent

When you start looking at parenting like this, so much BS can get dropped. Rules about the age they can wear nail polish? Focus where it matters: safety, empathy, responsibility. Nail polish policing is the realm of the parent too scared to tackle the big stuff #commonsenseparent

And frankly, if you have weird rules about every single aspect of a child's life, you're making it hard on yourself. Of course they're going to push back on something that makes no sense. Wouldn't you? You would, because you DID and don't pretend you didn't #commonsenseparent

A #commonsenseparent sees that little person (or not so little) as a human in their own right, worthy of respect just cos they exist. Not an extension of yourself. They don't come with a manual, but you write it with them, on them, through them, every day. What are you writing?

And finally. A #commonsenseparent recognizes that some things are too big for them to handle by themselves. Sometimes things go wrong, and you're not equipped to handle it in the usual way. Admit that early. *Early*, before it snowballs and turns into something else.

K am done with the ranty thread nobody asked for. Goodnight and sweet dreams #commonsenseparent

Wait, how about I try a silly thing: ask me a question about how a #commonsenseparent would handle a real life parenting situation. Maybe I will have an idea that might help (or not! I don't know your life)
https://secret.quizplaying.com/3966fda6c