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warning signs of being groomed and what to do: a thread
firstly, what is grooming?
grooming is when somebody builds a connection with a child so they can later sexually exploit them.
grooming is when somebody builds a connection with a child so they can later sexually exploit them.
if an adult or the person you’re talking to actually cares for you or loves you like they say you do they wouldn’t be putting you in danger the way they are.
groomers tend to build some form of moral background to trick people into thinking they’re not as bad, they might seem to be openly against or act like they’re against exploitation when they’re about to do it themselves.
they normally prey on those who they seem to be weak, so if you’re constantly venting to them a lot and telling them your trauma they may seem overly invested.
the ‘honeymoon’ stage might be more intense because this person is going out of their way to overcompensate so you believe they love them, maybe lengthy paragraphs or gifts or spending a lot of time together.
they will go out of there way to make it so you feel bad when you’re not spending time with them, some people can be very straight up about it while others may be like “i’m so glad that no matter how much we argue we always call everyday.”
things like that plant the seed in your brain to associate alone time as anxiety inducing because you feel like you’ve done something wrong, slowly that makes you more attached to the person and detached from reality.
they’ll switch between being irrational and rational a lot so if you argue with a friend they might try and show you that friends point of view but then the next time they might tell you to cut them off so you take it more seriously.
they’ll talk bad about your friends or family while also talking themselves up like for example “your dad is so shitty, if i was there i’d be protecting you” etc, so you start closing yourself off and only trusting your abuser.
they ease you into sexual subjects “aww you don’t have to do xyz we can do it when you’re comfortable” and overtime it’ll get more demanding like “shut the fuck up and send me xyz now” but from time to time it’ll switch back to give the illusion it’s just kink’
a lot of groomers are into ddlg, they might suggest age regression if you’re in a bad space and then corrupt that and turn it sexual slowly over time. piss kink becomes pullups etc.
they’ll talk you down while hyping themselves up, acting like you’re very lucky to be in this relationship with them because they could have whatever they want.
MANY groomers use the scapegoat of their victims being suicidal to shift-blame. “i wanted to leave because i knew it was wrong but i didn’t want them to harm themselves” etc.
groomers aren’t just anti-social loners, a lot of them are very social and come across as likable, if they’re very idolized be really careful.
they project what they’re doing onto you, they act like you’re too possessive or you’re cheating or you’re suffocating, they are very hypocritical.
normally they’ll go out of their way to act like they aren’t too social to make out that being and spending so much time with someone is a big deal to them.
push and pull is a massive thing they use, they rip everything away from you and the second you seem distant they push away so you blame yourself and run back and then they’ll be pulling you back in and the cycle repeats.
sadly some groomers are in higher positions to the point they can visit people irl and take advantage of them that way.
what should you do if you or your friend is being groomed? if you can’t just walk away take all the information you can about them and find out where they live, county area and their name would probably be the best.
you have to report it to your police first before you do there’s if you want to build a case so both stations can work with eachother. after reporting them do not continue contact with them (court systems can be very harsh)
if your friend is being groomed and you’re scared get a close friend/parent to report what is going on, but make sure it gets reported as incidents like these can ruin people’s lives especially if it goes far.
do not at any point let the abuser know they’ve been reported or give the information to anyone that could tell this person, wait for their county police to go through their devices. (international cases may take longer)
focus on the victim! as easy as it is to harass abusers there are always two people in the situation and it’s more important to focus on the welfare of the child who has been endangered.
if this has happened over discord email discord to back up the logs between you and this person, you can also save logs yourself here
remember if this leaks into real life to give all locations to the police, everywhere you have and could have been with this person. airports, hotels, restaurants, anything.
to my uk mutuals you can also report it here if you’re unable to directly go to the police https://www.ceop.police.uk/ceop-reporting/
those who are age of consent of the person has sexted you while you were under the age of 18 that is still illegal, you are very valid. if they or you live in the US look up romeo and juliet laws.
it’s normally 40 months and then it becomes illegal but different states have different time dreamed.
to anyone who needs it, if you’ve ever experienced any of this i love you. it’s not and will never be your fault and my dms are open to talk ANY time.
to anyone who needs it, if you’ve ever experienced any of this i love you. it’s not and will never be your fault and my dms are open to talk ANY time.
just want to add some victims after the situation still have love for or miss their abuser, it is a very hard cycle to break out of and they are in no way justifying their actions, attacking them for it when they are the victim of it is more harmful than helpful.
try and reassure them that it’s all over now and that they’ll find somebody more healthy for them, never ever attack them for their emotional connection to someone like that as it probably is some form of mental torture for them having to deal with it.
also important !! https://twitter.com/lvciferboo/status/1358877565381976064
something else i want to add is that child groomers can grow into bigger criminals, it could start as exploiting online to harming and abusing children physically. online grooming isn’t as taken as seriously as it should be because at any moment it can be made physical-
depending on the situation. some child groomers have tens of victims, maybe more. people too scared to come out or too young to understand what had happened to them. if they get away with it once they’ll keep doing it over and over again and their actions will become-
worse and worse the deeper into it they plummet. so anything, whether it be sexting, nudes. no matter how small, report it, because that’s how they start. your situation no matter how scaled it was matters. these are criminals sexually exploiting children. regardless of the-
way they do it. online or in real life it is still a severely serious crime. you have every right to take action if you’ve been taken advantage of in anyway, every right to seek help. it is not and will never be your fault.
