In Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman discusses how victims of trauma are not particularly *likeable*. In contrast to the perpetrator - who "appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil" - the victim is difficult, angry and wants you to *do something*. >

Not always, but the impact of trauma can make you mistrustful, constantly wanting too much from others while always expecting them to let you down. This idea that trauma presents you with a narrative that is easy to manipulate is just bizarre. >

For me, one of the hardest things about trauma isn't not seeing "justice" - whatever that might be - but losing friends because it can make future relationships so difficult to believe in. It's hard to accept this idea that victimhood can, for some women, also be an ace card. >

But once you're told it is, there will be a part of you that thinks the fact *you* somehow failed to play it correctly means you're even more flawed than before. It's such a damaging narrative, and so divorced from what trauma really is and does.