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Frustrated with someone? A person in your life generating anxiety in you?
Anxiety says, 'they are the problem' and whoa nellie, they might be the problem or they might be 90% of the problem.
But as long as it is 'they, they, they' you will stay stuck in an anxiety spiral.
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Anxiety says, 'they are the problem' and whoa nellie, they might be the problem or they might be 90% of the problem.
But as long as it is 'they, they, they' you will stay stuck in an anxiety spiral.
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Instead, we can pause, get help and map out the problem.
1. What exactly is the problem?
2. What are my attempted solutions?
Often times, my attempted solution is an anger fantasy or self righteousness. Sheesh.
and then....
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1. What exactly is the problem?
2. What are my attempted solutions?
Often times, my attempted solution is an anger fantasy or self righteousness. Sheesh.
and then....
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3. How am I complicit in the problem?
I often think or act in ways that feed the problem. This is not about me carrying what is theirs to carry, it is about recognizing ways my conflict avoidance gene and my self righteousness keep me spinning.
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I often think or act in ways that feed the problem. This is not about me carrying what is theirs to carry, it is about recognizing ways my conflict avoidance gene and my self righteousness keep me spinning.
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Sometimes my complicity is that I let them get away with poor behavior. I think it is out of Gospel love, it is almost always out of CAS: Conflict Avoidance Syndrome.
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So if on this chilly Monday you are spinning over a difficult relationship....
As an aside, it is 12 degrees F here in CO. As I was walking my dog Brodie, and my face was numb, I was all, 'time to go home Brodie' and Brodie was all, 'I'm plenty warm thank you.'
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As an aside, it is 12 degrees F here in CO. As I was walking my dog Brodie, and my face was numb, I was all, 'time to go home Brodie' and Brodie was all, 'I'm plenty warm thank you.'
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I've been known to do these anxiety tools with my dog. No one is exempt in the Cuss home.
anyway, you can stop the incessant spinning by:
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anyway, you can stop the incessant spinning by:
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1. What is mine to carry, what is God's what is theirs?
often anxiety is because we are carrying 'too much.'
2. Get clear on the patterns in you that keep the problem alive.
3. Name the dynamic or sometimes, reverse the pattern.
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often anxiety is because we are carrying 'too much.'
2. Get clear on the patterns in you that keep the problem alive.
3. Name the dynamic or sometimes, reverse the pattern.
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Some of you are anxious because you are chronic over functioners. You pick up the slack, the dropped ball, you take up the space between you and the other, you chase, pursue.
It is exhausting.
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It is exhausting.
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And worst of all, you think you're the better person because you're the proactive one, the responsible one.
That is self righteousness.
Maybe pause today and stop the over functioning, leave the space, let the ball roll away.
See what happens.
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That is self righteousness.
Maybe pause today and stop the over functioning, leave the space, let the ball roll away.
See what happens.
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Anxiety keeps us trapped in familiar patterns and habits, but there is Gospel freedom on the other side if we're willing to bravely practice.
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