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CW: alcohol, depression
This is the first time I’ve felt that not drinking has affected me.
I was used to having a drink whenever I felt stressed or anxious, which is exactly why I knew I needed at least a break from it, because that’s self-medicating and NOT good.
This is the first time I’ve felt that not drinking has affected me.
I was used to having a drink whenever I felt stressed or anxious, which is exactly why I knew I needed at least a break from it, because that’s self-medicating and NOT good.
But I take depression and anxiety meds for that. And I know that. So, if they’re not doing what they’re designed to do, let’s make a change, right?
No, they’re working fine.
I just let drinking become a coping mechanism for too many pre-transition years.
No, they’re working fine.
I just let drinking become a coping mechanism for too many pre-transition years.
So now, distancing myself from drinking while going through anxiety or depression is different because I’ve removed that coping mechanism, and it’s done two things; made my depression more tricky to navigate & reinforce that I was drinking for all the wrong reasons, for too long.
I know I’m gonna be ok. Really- that’s not just some bs to get you to stop worrying about me.
I have my tools. I have my core values. I know how to navigate this.
But I’m more aware of my emotions than at ANY. TIME. EVER. So changing my coping pattern now has compounded that.
I have my tools. I have my core values. I know how to navigate this.
But I’m more aware of my emotions than at ANY. TIME. EVER. So changing my coping pattern now has compounded that.
I’m SO grateful that I can at least SEE that now instead of feeling hopelessly lost and wondering what in the world is wrong with me.
Turns out there’s nothing really wrong with me at all. I’m just feeling how a person feels without a crutch.
And while it’s tough, it’s better.
Turns out there’s nothing really wrong with me at all. I’m just feeling how a person feels without a crutch.
And while it’s tough, it’s better.
I’m actually happy & have been happy in a way that I didn’t even know was possible, so much that it’s redefined the very word for me.
And I spent SO many years, not knowing this was possible. Not knowing that I really COULD be me. That I wasn’t the monster I couldn’t live with.
And I spent SO many years, not knowing this was possible. Not knowing that I really COULD be me. That I wasn’t the monster I couldn’t live with.
I haven’t wanted to disappear from the way I’m feeling or numb it in about a year now, and that’s so amazing to me. It also takes a minute to get used to, so..
Makes sense that it’s taken some self reflecting to see that some things needed to change, like coping with obstacles.
Makes sense that it’s taken some self reflecting to see that some things needed to change, like coping with obstacles.
Every single one of us are working on something. Even the ones who help us. And no matter the experience, schooling or mental preparation, sometimes everyone needs to stop for a second, reflect, reset and rejoin our every day while applying what we’ve learned. 
