Why should a flat battery in a car be called a flattery?
Because it gets you nowhere

#UKPunDay
ME: I’m having problems with my hearing.
DR: Can you describe the symptoms?
ME: Sure. Homer is fat and bald. Marge has blue hair. Bart is always on his skateboard.

#UKPunDay
Why did Bilbo Baggins insist on being given Viagra on his deathbed?
Old Hobbits die hard

#UKPunDay
SCHOLAR: You’ve really never heard about those famous experiments by Pavlov?
ME, NOT A SCHOLAR: Doesn’t ring a bell, no

#UKPunDay
What do Trump supporters have in common with the punchline to this joke?
ALL IN CAPS

#UKPunDay
What does Titanic have in common with The Sixth Sense?
Icy dead people

#UKPunDay
ME: How are things?
FRIEND IN NORTH KOREA: Can’t complain

#UKPunDay
MY FRIEND: This pandemic seems to be repeating so many things from the Spanish Flu. Is there a name for that?
ME: Plaguerism

#UKPunDay
You can follow @AdamCSharp.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled:
Those who think consciousness raising & movement building are disconnected, or even a distraction from electoral politics have not paid attention to the history of social change.In this thread, we
Read more
The 2020s will be known as the Remote Work decadeA few predictions of what is likely to emerge[ a thread ] Third Space: Office and Working from Home will
Read more
1/29: Have you ever had a concept explained to you that helps frame complex issues you’ve been wrestling with and opens your eyes to new possibilities? A concept that I
Read more
By continuing to use the site, you are consenting to the use of cookies as explained in our Cookie Policy to improve your experience.