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1/Lots of SAHM vs Working mom conversation on#DezNat tonight.
As a kid raised by a working mom, I’ll throw in my two cents.
(Sorry about the long thread)
As a kid raised by a working mom, I’ll throw in my two cents.
(Sorry about the long thread)
2/First, my mom would have preferred to be a SAHM, but didn’t have much choice in the matter.
(When, after years of effort, the advice from a both the Bishop and Stake President is to get a divorce and walk away... it’s bad.)
(When, after years of effort, the advice from a both the Bishop and Stake President is to get a divorce and walk away... it’s bad.)
3/So, it was a “latch key” childhood for me and my siblings.
What did that mean?
Well, lots of alone time, number 1.
Too much.
If you think my siblings and I sat down and got on with our homework when we knew Mom wouldn’t be home for 3 hours... I’ve got a bridge to sell you.
What did that mean?
Well, lots of alone time, number 1.
Too much.
If you think my siblings and I sat down and got on with our homework when we knew Mom wouldn’t be home for 3 hours... I’ve got a bridge to sell you.
4/How did we fill the time?
We wasted it, mostly.
We couldn’t do much extracurricular stuff (who would pick us up after?), so we took the bus home, and mostly sat, watched TV, ate garbage food, and played video games.
I am eternally grateful that this was pre-internet days.
We wasted it, mostly.
We couldn’t do much extracurricular stuff (who would pick us up after?), so we took the bus home, and mostly sat, watched TV, ate garbage food, and played video games.
I am eternally grateful that this was pre-internet days.
5/And what was it like when she got home?
Well, she was exhausted. Hard to blame her after a full day’s work.
But we kids had to eat. And so did she.
So, dinner was anything that was cheap, quick, and easy to make.
(Or just fast food picked up on the way home.)
Well, she was exhausted. Hard to blame her after a full day’s work.
But we kids had to eat. And so did she.
So, dinner was anything that was cheap, quick, and easy to make.
(Or just fast food picked up on the way home.)
6/As one can imagine, a sedentary life style combined with cheap, processed food picked more for convenience than nutrition doesn’t do wonders for your health or appearance.
7/But it went well beyond diet.
If you had a SAHM, think back to how many times you got to talk to her about your day right as you walked in the door. To share your triumphs. To seek support. How good it was to have someone to talk to.
If you had a SAHM, think back to how many times you got to talk to her about your day right as you walked in the door. To share your triumphs. To seek support. How good it was to have someone to talk to.
8/Now imagine if all of those conversations were delayed by 3-5 hours, after you sat stewing in your bedroom, and your mom was harried and exhausted herself, carrying her own stress of both work and home.
There’s a very big difference, believe me.
There’s a very big difference, believe me.
9/Going to pause here to say this:
It might sound like I’m attacking my mom.
I promise you I am not.
She did the best she could with the hand she was dealt. She sacrificed a lot to keep things as normal as she could.
But there is only so much anyone can do.
It might sound like I’m attacking my mom.
I promise you I am not.
She did the best she could with the hand she was dealt. She sacrificed a lot to keep things as normal as she could.
But there is only so much anyone can do.
10/There are limitations in all things.
Only so many hours in a day.
Only so many things one can pay attention to.
Life isn’t a video game that you can easily just hit “reset” on and try out a new path.
Each step plays a big part in determining your next.
Only so many hours in a day.
Only so many things one can pay attention to.
Life isn’t a video game that you can easily just hit “reset” on and try out a new path.
Each step plays a big part in determining your next.
11/I grew to envy classmates with SAHMs.
They knew that if they got sick at school someone would be there to pick them up - without risking half a day’s wages.
They could join a sports team. Stay after for that extracurricular activity.
They knew that if they got sick at school someone would be there to pick them up - without risking half a day’s wages.
They could join a sports team. Stay after for that extracurricular activity.
12/I didn’t have that.
And, yeah, it sucked.
Not gonna lie.
And, yeah, it sucked.
Not gonna lie.
13/Times have changed since I was growing up. It’s easier than ever to work from home or start a small business that allows anyone to set their own hours.
Pursuing an option like this may work well for many people.
Pursuing an option like this may work well for many people.
14/And there will always be people like my mother who, through no fault of their own, find themselves with no choice but to work full time with kids at home.
Life’s complicated. Things happen.
Life’s complicated. Things happen.
15/But always consider the trade offs.
There are only 24 hours in a day.
You only have so much energy.
Your children’s formative years occur only once.
You can only juggle so many tasks and handle so much stress.
You can’t escape these truths.
There are only 24 hours in a day.
You only have so much energy.
Your children’s formative years occur only once.
You can only juggle so many tasks and handle so much stress.
You can’t escape these truths.
16/(And yes, this goes for the brethren as well)
Set your priorities carefully and ensure that whatever work you do complements rather than takes away from what is /really/ important to you.
And what really matters certainly isn’t a fancy title or money.
God bless.
Set your priorities carefully and ensure that whatever work you do complements rather than takes away from what is /really/ important to you.
And what really matters certainly isn’t a fancy title or money.
God bless.
Postlogue: my wife is now the SAHM. She has an education that enables her to have a solid career. Maybe she’ll do that some day when the kids are grown.
But that’s just not the priority right now. So we live in a smaller house that’s not right where we want it to be...
But that’s just not the priority right now. So we live in a smaller house that’s not right where we want it to be...
and we drive cars that aren’t quite as nice as we could. And our kids clothes are second hand or from Walmart.
But the fancy house, car, and clothes aren’t the real priority, are they?
Get your priorities right and the rest falls into place.
But the fancy house, car, and clothes aren’t the real priority, are they?
Get your priorities right and the rest falls into place.
