I'm so grateful I found the autistic community. For many reasons, but today I'm particularly remembering how isolated, unaccepted, and overlooked I felt as a non-binary person even in the trans community. And then I found the autistic community, and felt more recognised and

believed and understood here than I had anywhere else. While transphobia does of course still exist in the autistic community, I can confidently say that I've seen more recognition of non-binary people here than anywhere else, and finding other autistic non-binary people has been

the final key I needed to understanding my (lack of) gender and relationship with the whole concept of gender. If anything, being autistic is the most important part of it; it absolutely shapes my gender identity. I don't intend to explain that here, mostly because I'm mentally

exhausted from various things at the moment. But I did want to say thank you to autistic folks, esp non-binary ones but also just the community in general. I can't say I feel 100% safe here or anywhere, but I do feel safer here than I did even in trans spaces, and like I'm

allowed to have a distinctly neurodivergent relationship with gender, one that is not only outside of the gender binary but also outside of neurotypical ways of conceptualising gender and identity in general. That has made a real difference to me.

And agender/genderless autistic folks in particular? I'm so frickin' glad you exist. Knowing I'm not alone, that there are folks out there who precisely understand how being autistic can make gender... *waves vaguely* Not For Me, Thanks... is such a relief. I'm glad you're there.

Also the trans community needs to get a heck of a lot better at supporting folks whose gender is also related to other aspects of their identity, like neurodivergent trans people and people with culture-specific genders. There needs to be so much more room made for us.

Even with some cis autistics, I can be like "So you know how gender is just kinda...ehh...?" and they nod sagely like "Yeah, I feel that sometimes too."

At least, that's what I imagine they're doing while I'm talking to them online.

Also, I don't remember who it was now, but shout-out to the two different autistic folks I encountered who coined 'lethargy cis' and 'apathetic cis', to describe when 'cis' feels like it describes you more than 'trans' does, but you're not really attached to it and just...meh.