what is the best microwave food? is it hot pockets??

i might say microwave burritos but because real burritos exist, they also kind of remind me of what i'm missing. there is no such thing as a real hot pocket. they are all fantasy and microwave energy

one thing that makes eggos not a contender is that while their quality is on par with a real waffle, if i need to add butter and syrup to something i made in a microwave i could just be cooking at that point

microwave pizza is like a hot mess travesty: they are so superior baked, AND a reminder of actual fresh pizza, that they cannot contend. i want one right this second but still

cup o noodles? they're a trick! you're not supposed to microwave styrofoam! what are you doing?????

pizza rolls are similar to pizza in that the baked version is sooo much better. maybe you're asking yourself: keith (why are you calling yourself keith though?) what about a baked hot pocket?? have you tried THAT???

yes. it is very good. but it takes like 20 minutes. absurd

wait: a challenger just stepped into the arena. is that... a baked potato???

this is truly a contender, because though its name become a lie (no longer baked), a microwaved potato is like a baked potato moving at light speed and it is a sight to behold

i gotta hand one to the microwaved chicken pot pie. not even close to as good as a baked or fresh one but it is so much work to make a real one, and the baked version takes like 45 minutes. who has that kind of time besides a billionaire??

have you ever microwaved an egg? extremely dangerous

but if you crack it open and put it in a coffee cup, you can get serviceable scrambled eggs. it requires skill, and cleanup, that makes it extremely absurd to do unless you have no stove or dishes. so it loses on this one

microwave oatmeal is very much like regular oatmeal, but it isn't THAT much faster and it's hard to compete with a hot pocket. if i am trying to be healthy maybe

but i might also be tempted toward a lean pocket

jk lean pockets are only like 20 calories less than a hot pocket

there are only two frozen meals i can think of that aren't just extremely terrible versions of the real version. the first is mashed potatoes (but see above: baked potato is the move)

the other is mac and cheese. that's a third contender.

mac and cheese v hot pocket v potato

the only microwave meals that contain meat that are not unrecognizable travesties are the ones that began as a unrecognizable travesties of meatkind. i'm looking at you salisbury steak and meatloaf. you are passable in every sense of the word