Read on Twitter
TW // OCD , Blood , Rape
This thread won't be as bad as the tw makes it seem, I promise.
I saw @filmgyllenhaal 's tweet today and it made me realise there's not that many discussions about ocd on twitter, so I thought it could be interesting to talk about my relationship 1/?
This thread won't be as bad as the tw makes it seem, I promise.
I saw @filmgyllenhaal 's tweet today and it made me realise there's not that many discussions about ocd on twitter, so I thought it could be interesting to talk about my relationship 1/?
With mine.
I suffer from dermatillomania, also known as "skin-picking disorder" and it's a type of ocd. I've had it for about ten years now.
I remember when I got my first pimple and decided to squeeze it; I soon realized I couldn't stop touching it and this led to a lot of 2/?
I suffer from dermatillomania, also known as "skin-picking disorder" and it's a type of ocd. I've had it for about ten years now.
I remember when I got my first pimple and decided to squeeze it; I soon realized I couldn't stop touching it and this led to a lot of 2/?
Bleeding. I was aware that I had to stop because I was hurting myself, but I just couldn't do it. And it got worse and worse and worse. I started seeing imperfections when there was nothing on my skin. I would use tweezers on my face and arms and thighs till I was bleeding 3/?
And crying my heart out because I wanted to stop but I couldn't. It made me feel better while I was doing it, but then I would think of the scars it would leave on my skin and I'd start hating myself.
I remember being terrified of going to the bathroom because I knew that 4/?
I remember being terrified of going to the bathroom because I knew that 4/?
If I looked at myself in the mirror I would have started picking my skin and ruining my face. I couldn't control it. I still can't control it.
In 2016 I got raped and it got way worse; my thighs would be a bleeding mess and I remember removing every single hair one by one 5/?
In 2016 I got raped and it got way worse; my thighs would be a bleeding mess and I remember removing every single hair one by one 5/?
Using my tweezers. It got to a point I wouldn't leave my house because I needed to pick my skin. I would see a pimple, touch it and then be still touching it FIVE hours later with blood on the sink. Time meant nothing.
My therapist couldn't help me because they didn't know 6/?
My therapist couldn't help me because they didn't know 6/?
About this disorder and didn't think much of it even though I was ruining my body more and more everyday.
Sometimes I get the urge to do it in public and I have to interrupt whatever I'm doing to find the nearest bathroom and start picking my thighs and arms there. 7/?
Sometimes I get the urge to do it in public and I have to interrupt whatever I'm doing to find the nearest bathroom and start picking my thighs and arms there. 7/?
It's a nightmare. Whenever I'm stressed the urge gets stronger and stronger and I'm unable to control it.
It's an horrible cycle because I see imperfections on my skin, I touch them, I create a scar, I consider it an imperfection and the cycle starts again. 8/?
It's an horrible cycle because I see imperfections on my skin, I touch them, I create a scar, I consider it an imperfection and the cycle starts again. 8/?
OCD isn't just order or washing your hands multiple times or turning on and off the light.
It's a nightmare you feel like you can't wake up from; it's something you can't escape and it's terrifying.
It ruined my life on so many occasions I can't even count them. 9/?
It's a nightmare you feel like you can't wake up from; it's something you can't escape and it's terrifying.
It ruined my life on so many occasions I can't even count them. 9/?
And I can't stand seeing people joking about it, saying they have "a little ocd" because they like to keep their room clean. I hate it.
If you really knew what having an ocd feels like you wouldn't joke about it, I promise you. 10/10
If you really knew what having an ocd feels like you wouldn't joke about it, I promise you. 10/10
