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As a really anxious and neurotic person, I lived my entire life in a state of constant dread that I’ll get something wrong, I’d offend someone, I’d make a mistake. I’ve been this way my whole life.
This fear stops me from saying things when I should, taking on new things or even finishing projects because I fear my work isn't thorough or good enough. That I haven't learned enough. I overthink things. I fret. I have a dead-letter office of unpublished papers, projects.
I have frozen when I’m asked to do podcasts (a recent thing) b/c I am terrified of speaking extemporaneously for fear I’ll mess up a statistic, or mess up and say something thoughtless. When (if) I do interviews, I’ve prepped for days, I am surrounded by notes just in case.
Observing, listening v. carefully to the recent event in the board game industry, I am struck by the wanton carelessness by an industry voice I once admired. The kind of thoughtlessness, carelessness hurts people, endangers them. I am afraid of people who aren't careful w/ others
I can’t imagine ever ...even thinking for a moment, that I’d be able to wax poetically about questions that I haven’t studied carefully, or wade into topics that I don’t have any first-hand knowledge of. I’d defer, platform others, turn to experts.
Going for three hours plus touching on the realities of racism, geopolitical movements, health advice, nationalism (and global house hunting and vacation planning while people can't feed themselves or pay rent)? Unimaginable, breathtaking hubris. Not thoughtful. Not careful.
There's an arrogance in this behaviour. There's also a hoarding of attention, opportunity on display. Fielding a question about racism in board gaming and you are a white, middle-class man? Bring in someone who would know more, do better. Put the spotlight on credible experts.
We know, we’ve seen... this kind of carelessness is dangerous. People with any amount of power or influence right now need to be doubly, triply careful about the decisions they make. What they say. How they say it. The actions they take. Lives, quite literally, are at stake.
There’s clear privilege apparent in this carelessness. Who has this privilege? Who doesn’t? Women, BIPOC, LGBTQ+, disabled people don’t have it. Not in certain spaces. In fact, in most spaces. It is not a luxury we can afford. Shooting from the hip, winging it? Never, ever. Ever.
When I’m entering a male-dominated space (the places I work, study play), I know I have to work twice as hard, study more, be better, and not dare put a foot wrong. I can’t be careless. Ever.
Why? Because I know (and have always known) I won’t get bailed out, excused, supported by an extensive, connected network of supporters, cronies and apologists. No one is going to defend me as being a ‘good guy who deep down means well.’ No safety net for me. No safety even.
So who gets to be careless? Who gets to be ignorant of cultural, political, social issues, big or small? Who gets to do marathon slap-dash AMAs with impunity? Who in their middle age (I’m also middle aged) gets to say, ‘I didn’t know that was offensive? I was unaware?’
Aside: What pleading ignorance tells me is you weren’t, at any stage of your life, curious or interested in these issues. In other people’s lives. Even in passing. Also your friends, families, co-workers are too afraid to pull you aside and correct you (that’s a deeper problem).
I know I can’t feign ignorance on important issues, or even flub minor trivia without ramifications. (Nerd cred checks are like mandatory ‘passport, please’ encounters’ for disabled, BIPOC, women, LGBTQ+ gamers). I don’t have the privilege of carelessness.
Being called out on what can (charitably) be called egregious carelessness? I say: being called out is a privilege. A gift. Someone is taking the time, energy to nurture you w/ their knowledge, experiences. Take the gift. Take it on. Sit quietly in your discomfort. Evolve. Learn.
