Watched a video about a $1 pizza slice place that featured a self-described "professional pizza enthusiast" who unironically asked for a well-done slice, immediately hit it with an infrared thermometer, and proclaimed it too hot. I have never hated another human being this much.

As soon as he pulled the infrared thermometer (he also explained what it is to the camera btw, after using it) out of his stupid little messenger bag, I knew in my soul if I hit the comments every single one would be about how much he sucks and they literally all were.

Scott the Professional Pizza Enthusiast who carries his own infrared thermometer into pizza joints and asks to see the bottom of the $1 pizza slice before purchasing it to confirm the doneness of the slice to his satisfaction is why people liking anything is bad actually.

I watched a video in which this sentient nutsack proclaimed the burger at Joe Jr's "the platonic ideal of a cheeseburger" and I thought he was without a doubt the worst person I'd ever seen in a food video, but I wasn't ready for Scott, the Woody Allen of Pizza.

And OF COURSE he sh*t all over the $1 pizza slice. Which looked fine. Of course he did. I hated him SO MUCH by the time he finally took a bite I was actually clinging to the hope he wouldn't be a snob about it just so I didn't have to feel this way. Couldn't even give me that.

Actually getting angrier and angrier the more I sit here thinking about this.

You've got a restaurant in the middle of one of the most expensive cities in the ENTIRE WORLD selling people giant pizza slices for $1 and here comes Scott "I Definitely Opine About Why Women Don't Go for 'Nice Guys' Like Me" Pizza Box Collector to say "it's not pizza as a focus"

He said that, folks. Scott said the $1 pizza slice IS NOT PIZZA AS A FOCUS. I have to remember witnessing that moment for the rest of my natural life. That is a permanent wrinkle in the spongey tissue of my already battered brain.

Just stay with me here, okay? Scott woke up that morning, put on a checkered shirt, intentionally DID NOT BUTTON the top button, shouldered his messenger bag, and said to himself, "I must now go be underwhelmed by the $1 pizza slice on camera today because I am a Real Pizza Man."

I'm going to stop now, but know this thread continues, within me, forever.

I hate you, Scott.