I bought an audio book about the Hundred Years War because I don't know that much about it, and, like...every five minutes, I'm shaken to my soul.

Nobody:

The English at the outset of the Hundred Years War:

The French for...a lot of the Hundred Years War...like... a lot.

The first thing that shook me to my soul was that the French rejected Isabella of France's claim on the throne not necessarily because she was a woman, but because they saw how she was living and didn't want any part of it.

The French were DISGUSTED by her and Mortimer, lmfao. Amazing.

Can you imagine having a boyfriend so toxic that your home realm rejects your claim to rule because they hate him and by extension you. Wild.

It’s Desmond Seward’s The Hundred Years War.

Edward III was a total Chad.

Of course Edward was encouraged to go to war by Robert of Artois, who did a murder and maybe also witchcraft before being chased out of France.

We don’t talk enough about how the Scots and French were friendly chiefly because they hated England and that England’s alliances with Burgundy and the Low Countries were chiefly because they both hated the French.

Sometimes I wonder like, dang, why didn't the French and Flanders, like, sort it out, why couldn't they just be friends, but then I remember that, like, France didn't want to be friends with Flanders. France wanted to absorb Flanders, lmfao

It's like, "Why didn't the Scots and the English just like, become allies" and then I remember the, uh, centuries of enmity and also that the English considered the Scots to be demihumans, and, like, that explains a lot.

They don't call them ancestral nemeses for nothing.

Edward: I would like to go to war.

Parliament: Uhm...

Edward: What if we raise taxes.

Parliament: Uh...

Edward: Great. Glad we talked.

Did I just buy Froissart's Chronicles?

Mind your business.

France being rich but being unable to fund its government because the tax code being constructed to concentrate wealth in the hands of local magnates rather than centralizing it is very relatable.

Philip: Pls, I need you to send the soldiers you promised.

French Nobles: Lol, ok.

Philip: Are you on the way?

French Nobles: Lol, yeah, we're in the car

Philip: I'm here.

Philip: Where are you?

Philip: ?????

Philip: ???????????

Not the French INVADING England, chile.

English Nobles: Uhm. The French are gonna invade.

Edward: lol, sure

English Nobles: We are...literally an island.

Edward: yep!

English Nobles: THEY. ARE. GONNA. INVADE

Edward: lol

Edward: [declares war on France]

France: [invades England]

Nobles: D=

Edward:

When Edward said war, he meant WAR.

John of Gaunt was born.