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I could feel a thread starting so I wanted to put this on the main tl: my life changed when I realised that (for me at least) anger is a kind of want/desire.
Specifically, "I don't want you to do that." or "I want this to stop." or "I want you to do this (and you aren't)." https://twitter.com/weiyikes/status/1357444941308432386
Specifically, "I don't want you to do that." or "I want this to stop." or "I want you to do this (and you aren't)." https://twitter.com/weiyikes/status/1357444941308432386
It's then not a huge surprise that women and AFAB folks - not an exclusive list - have trouble with anger.
I used to (sometimes still do) get a lot of anger that didn't feel like it made any sense, this generalised frustration without a clear source. I'd be irritable/snappish,
I used to (sometimes still do) get a lot of anger that didn't feel like it made any sense, this generalised frustration without a clear source. I'd be irritable/snappish,
And it always ended up that there was something I wanted, or didn't want, and I'd repressed that want quite thoroughly and then repressed the anger until it turned into exhaustion or emptiness or despair, and maybe came out in vaguely self destructive behaviours
Why yes this is in part about going to bed too late for no real reason, but there's a lot more.
Anyway anger (if you let it) can be a kind of signpost. "I DON'T WANT THIS!" in very clear terms. Okay, I might say to an imaginary kid, tired and hungry and yelling, okay. Not this.
Anyway anger (if you let it) can be a kind of signpost. "I DON'T WANT THIS!" in very clear terms. Okay, I might say to an imaginary kid, tired and hungry and yelling, okay. Not this.
I'm told I was never a wanting child. I never threw tantrums, I never yelled "I want". Low maintenance. A point of praise.
A lifetime of wants, smothered before you even knew them, makes you pretty damn angry. A lifetime of choked down anger makes you pretty damn depressed.
A lifetime of wants, smothered before you even knew them, makes you pretty damn angry. A lifetime of choked down anger makes you pretty damn depressed.
It's hard to know what you want, if you're not used to paying any attention to it.
So like I said, anger is useful. Not this, I say to myself. Okay. Not this: what about this don't I want? If not this, then what?
I still have to ask myself those questions consciously.
So like I said, anger is useful. Not this, I say to myself. Okay. Not this: what about this don't I want? If not this, then what?
I still have to ask myself those questions consciously.
The thing is, anger is louder and harder to repress than wants that are more positive. Those whisper, to me. They're easy to forget about when you're caught up in something else.
Sometimes it seems my own mind gets fed up that I'm not listening to myself and so it yells.
Sometimes it seems my own mind gets fed up that I'm not listening to myself and so it yells.
It was a huge surprise to me that "god this desk is such a MESS I HATE it" when I got frustrated knocking over a bunch of things was actually a desire to tidy it. No, seriously. Just one that I hadn't listened to until it got angry.
I guess this is a thread about listening to your anger.
And about how MUCH my teenage self loved The Count Of Monte Christo, a story about a man, thoroughly wronged, who doesn't have the power to change it but has this whole level up montage until he DOES.
And about how MUCH my teenage self loved The Count Of Monte Christo, a story about a man, thoroughly wronged, who doesn't have the power to change it but has this whole level up montage until he DOES.
He's so goddamn angry about how he and his family have been treated and he comes back years later and dumps the consequences of their actions all over them. It's a whole book about anger, revenge, and the sweet satisfaction of YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME.
I'm a sucker for that kind of narrative and it's taken me until this year to figure out why.
Spite isn't a great motivator by itself, unless you luck out and your anger is a /direct/ link to your desire, like, you want to be a musician and some asshole tells you you're rubbish.
Spite isn't a great motivator by itself, unless you luck out and your anger is a /direct/ link to your desire, like, you want to be a musician and some asshole tells you you're rubbish.
But if you're angry about people being horrible to you for getting bad grades at school or something, then maybe what you want isn't actually to study hard and do better and prove them wrong : maybe you want better friends, or more time for a hobby you love.
And we get few enough PURE SPITE DROVE ME FORWARD narratives - I love most of them. We get even fewer more oblique anger narratives. I'd love to see more.
I hadn't realised until right now that I want to write one.
I hadn't realised until right now that I want to write one.
Anyway now I'm thinking about how sometimes in stories you see characters getting along with people they disliked who have wronged them and obviously that's mostly a good idea but sometimes I'd like to see them drag the other character for filth, you know?
So if you have recs for fanfic feat. Angry characters*, pls do drop them somewhere.
*who are not angry at the POV character which, however justified and in character, l find upsetting/stressful. You'll never guess why
*who are not angry at the POV character which, however justified and in character, l find upsetting/stressful. You'll never guess why
