things that will get you disqualified from the stimulus check, by 2021 Dems:
birthday cash from grandma
that time your friends Venmoed you for chips and guac
your 2007 geology elective textbook buyback of $12.37 (original price $325)
a quarter you found on the ground

cont'd things that will get you disqualified from the stimulus check, by 2021 Dems:
the pen you took home from your job accidentally
receiving a Bed Bath and Beyond coupon
you didn't finish a Chapstick before buying a new one
tipping anyone ever

cont'd things that will get you disqualified from the stimulus check, by 2021 Dems:
buying the good toilet paper
listening to "Bills, Bills, Bills" in 2019
ignoring one of those Nigerian prince emails
eating a Viennetta (yes even once)

cont'd things that will get you disqualified from the stimulus check, by 2021 Dems
receiving one of those fake hundreds evangelicals give away but not using it
a Costco membership
a gym membership
a Members-Only jacket

cont'd things that will get you disqualified from the stimulus check, by 2021 Dems:
wearing contact lenses
getting guac at Chipotle
you didn't pirate Game of Thrones
when your folks visit and sometimes pay for dinner? if they ever did that it disqualifies you and them