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Bullying: A thread
While the #HandforthParishCouncil meeting is indeed British comedy gold (I’ve now watched it twice), it’s also a good opportunity to talk about something more serious… #bullying.
Not all bullying happens like that. It doesn’t always involve shouting....
While the #HandforthParishCouncil meeting is indeed British comedy gold (I’ve now watched it twice), it’s also a good opportunity to talk about something more serious… #bullying.
Not all bullying happens like that. It doesn’t always involve shouting....
It isn’t always in front of other people. It can be far more manipulative than that. And it can have far more devastating consequences.
I’ve experienced bullying by men. I don’t think any of my colleagues saw it or knew what was going on.
I’ve experienced bullying by men. I don’t think any of my colleagues saw it or knew what was going on.
I would experience it more often when alone with the bullies. Crying about a serious family health issue wouldn’t usually be a director’s favoured time to tell you the following – without a hint of empathy or compassion....
I was told I had dropped my colleagues in it by being off work sick. I was told I was a terrible manager & the reason that a colleague left. I was told my writing was sloppy. That I was disorganised. That I *thought* I was good at a project but....
...if I asked the project team what they *honestly* thought of me I would soon find out I was wrong.
This was all in one half hour meeting - in which I cried almost throughout.
So, I asked a project team member what they *honestly* thought of me....
This was all in one half hour meeting - in which I cried almost throughout.
So, I asked a project team member what they *honestly* thought of me....
I was told I’d done well, that it was a shame I’d been off sick as the project didn’t continue as well when I was off. But that I was doing a good job
I reported this back to the director. ‘That’s just surface level talk. If you dig a bit deeper you’ll get a different answer’
I reported this back to the director. ‘That’s just surface level talk. If you dig a bit deeper you’ll get a different answer’
I dug a bit deeper. I didn’t get a different answer. I reported this back to the director. His response? ‘Well, the CEO doesn’t think much of you.’
I trundled off to my counsellor in tears that day. He made me realise how pathetic these men were being...and that gave me strength
I trundled off to my counsellor in tears that day. He made me realise how pathetic these men were being...and that gave me strength
It was bullying. Nobody else had a clue what I was going through. But there was more....
My appraisal was being marked down because I missed deadlines because I’d had time off sick. Because I responded to the staff survey ‘open’ team discussion that we had a cultural problem....
My appraisal was being marked down because I missed deadlines because I’d had time off sick. Because I responded to the staff survey ‘open’ team discussion that we had a cultural problem....
Apparently that was highly unprofessional of me.
My counsellor helped me see that I didn’t have to stand for it. I put in a very detailed formal complaint two days later.
It felt like a huge relief. I felt stronger. But I knew my job was in danger. And I had to fight hard
My counsellor helped me see that I didn’t have to stand for it. I put in a very detailed formal complaint two days later.
It felt like a huge relief. I felt stronger. But I knew my job was in danger. And I had to fight hard
I wouldn’t say I ‘won’. Because I can’t name or shame and I feel like I should be able to - because I’m sure I’m not the only one.
But I secured my mortgage and family income for some time. Even though I lost my job. And I felt proud that I stood up for myself....
But I secured my mortgage and family income for some time. Even though I lost my job. And I felt proud that I stood up for myself....
So PLEASE - if you’re going through anything like this - please seek support. Call @acasorguk , log everything, screen grab messages. Do all you can to gather evidence. Cos the more senior the bully, the less power HR has to help you. And that’s a really sad situation.
