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Let’s talk about my sex life!
In 2011, I was kind of a late bloomer. Not for a lack of trying though! I had just got my first look in to the disability advocacy scene and started volunteering for an org. I lived at home with my mum and dad who were abusive 1/2
In 2011, I was kind of a late bloomer. Not for a lack of trying though! I had just got my first look in to the disability advocacy scene and started volunteering for an org. I lived at home with my mum and dad who were abusive 1/2
In my house there were rules. Rules for my brother and rules for me. I had no formal supports. I relied on my parents, who were abusive remember and I required help in the shower, on the toilet and getting dressed 2/3
As I started stepping out in the world I met all of these sexy, smart and articulate people that I naturally wanted to get to know and even sleep with! But the rules! One of them was no sex in the family home and especially no gay sex!!!! The horror! 3/4
By now you are probably thinking, dude this is not a disability thing! Lots of people grow up in conservative homes and they still managed. Okay okay, I can see that but remember my brother? A few years earlier I was actually caught with my pants down 4/5
And my dad was furious! Something about 17 being too young but also for having sex under his roof! He’s reply was “why can’t you do these things at parties or camping, like nick does on weekends” firstly it’s kinda fucked my father knew what my brother was doing on weekends 5/6
Secondly! I’m in a fucking wheelchair! Wheelchair users don’t do camping! In fairness I have no idea why able bods camp but you know!
So already there was a double standard.
My brother also got to shower alone, he could take all the time he needed. 6/7
So already there was a double standard.
My brother also got to shower alone, he could take all the time he needed. 6/7
I wish he took longer some days because those teenage years smelt pretty gross. Anyway, he had all the privacy in the world. He could masturbate, explore his body, work out what he liked and didn’t like. Whatever he wanted. It was a different coming of age for me 8/9
I had to wait for a shower. Sometimes it wouldn’t happen at all. My parents would be too tired or something. When I was able to have a shower one of my parents were there the whole time. And it was only a couple of minutes. Rarely I would maintain good hygiene 9/10
And don’t even think about exploring my body, let alone masturbate.
Jumping forward to 2011/12 because of these restrictions/ableism myself and my sexual partner at the time had to do some risky and not so sexy things. Like have sex in disabled toilets. 10/11
Jumping forward to 2011/12 because of these restrictions/ableism myself and my sexual partner at the time had to do some risky and not so sexy things. Like have sex in disabled toilets. 10/11
Most of you are probably like “that’s gross!” And some of you be like “that sounds exciting” and you are right, in normal circumstances public sex or in a toilet in the heat of the moment is sexy and we had a good time but when it’s your only choice it becomes very unsexy 11/12
These were not one night things or a fwb situations. My long term partners and I had to endure this for a while. At least until I moved out. All because the ndis didn’t exist and I was given the opportunity to explore myself safely. 12/13
Tw: sexual assault.
Remember I was working for a disability org. I could of lost my irking with children’s check or worse!
Even in my early days of living alone it took me forever to come out and be as sexually open as I wanted too.
13/14
Remember I was working for a disability org. I could of lost my irking with children’s check or worse!
Even in my early days of living alone it took me forever to come out and be as sexually open as I wanted too.
13/14
All of this led to years of catching up to what was healthy, who I was and how I am. The #NDIS must support the sex lives of disabled people. Because it’s a right and privacy is a right and good mental health is a right and freedom of abuse is a right!
