Canada in Jesus Name

1./ “Honey, it’s not as easy as I thought. My visa expires soon and I have no means in sight of completing my papers. My guys here are suggesting that I get married for papers.” Iheanacho sounded frustrated as he explained the situation to Ugonma.

2./ Married for papers? How will that work? Do we have to get divorced? Or will she be like a second wife? Or since you and her are there together, will she be the main wife and I, God forbid, the other wife? This is confusing oh!

3./ It didn’t seem like it would be this complicated when we made the original plan. You were to get there, get a job, regularize your papers and send for the twins and I. Babe, it’s getting complicated.”  
 
“Yeah. It seemed more straightforward in abstract

4./ when we didn’t have all the information we could have used to make a more detailed plan. I’m learning new things daily about the way the system works here. Getting a job is not easy. Despite all my qualifications, potential employers keep asking for Canadian experience.

5./ How am I supposed to have that? The other route would have been through a school by taking a post grad course. But we couldn’t afford the funds for a Masters for me and as you know, with my 3rd class, getting a funded postgrad was nearly impossible.”

6./ He lowered his voice at this point in his spiel. That last had been a sore point between them. 
 
This last sentence riled Ugonma up. She had a 1st class in Marine Engineering, and had received an offer for a fully funded scholarship for an M.Eng.

7./ She had given it up because everyone asked how she would cope with the twins. Her mother had offered to keep them while she went to Canada to pursue her dreams as well as opening the gates to a brighter future for her family. Iheanacho and his family had scuttled those plans.

8./ She still regretted not damning the consequences. Too late now. But she was reapplying for a place. Fingers crossed that she would get it. Her mum was still on board with the idea of keeping the twins until she found her feet. The thought of leaving her babies behind

9./ for even a week was too painful. But the reality was that Nigeria was not favouring her. No false modesty about it, Ugonma knew she was a brilliant engineer. So far, she had worked mostly 6-month renewable contract jobs for IOCs. It was okay but she knew she could do better.

10./ She felt like her talent was wasting away. Worse the remuneration could be better. Yes, she was lucky compared to many of her peers, but she wanted more. She had better to offer and receive. 
 
"Listen Babe, I truly don’t know what you want me to say.

11./ I’m not sure if you’re asking my permission for you to marry another woman, or if you’re telling me something you’ve decided to do. Which is it? What are the implications?” Ugonma asked. 

“We should probably file for a divorce. Strictly for optics of course.

12./ I will marry Kayla and as soon as my papers are regularized, I will divorce her and remarry you and then you can come over.” Iheanacho explained. 
 
“Kayla? You already have someone lined up?” Ugonma sounded puzzled by the speed at which things were moving.

13./She went quiet for a moment. This was a bit too well– organized. She loved Iheanacho & she knew he loved her as well but there were so many stories of marriages that fell apart in this immigration process. She hadn’t thought they would become one of the statistics but hey ho!

14./ Now, she wasn’t so sure. What kind of curse was it to be a Nigerian? Truth be told, in an ideal world, with working systems, she would much rather live in Nigeria and raise her children here within a sociocultural system she understood with her ample support network;

15./ but the system failures and challenges were too many. If not for herself, for her children, she wanted better. The Canadian dream was her best hope. 
 
“Honey, yeah, I kind of have someone already lined up, it’s not always easy to get someone willing to do the paper marriage

16./ and support the process. Kayla is a few years older and she understands the drill. Chuks introduced her to me. I think I have a good chance of getting all this sorted in the next 24 to 36 months.” He said. 
Ugonma let out a shriek. “Ehhhhn! Iheanacho? Isi gini? (Say what?)

17./ You’re talking 2 to 3 years? I should put my life on hold for that period? Will you return home in the interim? Or will you be over there playing happy families with your Oyinbo wife? Will the twins have a chance to see their father during this time. Babe na wa oh!

18./ I didn’t sign up for this.” Ugonma responded. 
 
“Honey, it’s this or I become illegal once my visa expires in the next 5 weeks and I begin looking over my shoulder dreading a knock on the door from immigration, afraid of my own shadow. What’s the use?

19./ I won’t also be able to plan or project on how to bring you and the twins over because I will basically be a fugitive.” Iheanacho hated to be so blunt but he needed to convey the urgency of the situation to Ugonma. Since arriving in Canada, the rose – tinted glasses

20./ had been forcefully ripped off his eyes. It definitely offered prospects, but there was a price to be paid for success. He was willing to pay it, but the trade-off was not beans.  
 
Ugonma was quiet. If this wasn’t a Hobson’s Choice situation, she didn’t know what it was.

21./ Hmmm... Divorced? Her husband married to another? Would it be their dirty little secret? Would they tell their friends and family? All those who had envied her when Iheanacho left and the promises of sending for her and the twins within the next 6 months to one year

22./ would have the last laugh. At this rate, she would be stuck here for the next few years. Her only salvation would come from her getting another fully funded offer before that time. If she did, she was grabbing it with both hands and legs. No more “Anya ula.” (Dulling).

23./ Babe, I absolutely don’t like this. I didn’t sign up for it, but I have nothing better to offer as an option. I guess we have to do it.  How will the divorce work? What grounds?” Ugonma asked. 
 
“Honey, I’ve spoken to my lawyer friend Pascal. He will deal with everything.

24./ Ours is to sign on dotted lines as needed and to pay his fees.” Iheanacho explained. 
 
Ugonma sighed. “Hmmm. . . Ok. I guess I’ll wait to hear from him.” 
 
The next few months were tough ones. Iheanacho updated Ugonma on his marriage. He now lived in Kayla’s flat

25./ because immigration paid unscheduled visits at odd hours. He paid her rent for this privilege apart from the pre-agreed fee. What he didn’t tell her even though she asked was that he had a sexual relationship with Kayla.

26./ It hadn’t been part of the deal originally but after the wedding when he moved in, she told him that she had a high sex drive and having a man in the house came in handy. At first, he tried to resist but she reminded him that she held the aces. Iheanacho backed down.

27./He hadn’t intended to cheat on his wife. He loved Ugonma &this wasn’t part of the deal. The first few times he had sex with Kayla,it was mechanical. She taunted him&said she had heard that once you went black, you never went back. But that if this was what he had to offer...

28./ Iheanacho’s masculine pride was bruised by her words. He felt insulted by her taunts. In addition, it had been difficult keeping it mechanical. Even though at 46 Kayla was older than his 37 years, she took care of herself.

29./ She was attractive in the way white women could be and sexy with it. The next time she wanted him in her bed, he decided to “do it for the culture.” He brought his A-game to it. She was no slouch either. Kayla knew a few tricks for bringing men to their knees.

30./ Before long, Iheanacho who hadn’t had a decent romp since he left Ugonma in Lagos was putty in her hands. From that night onwards, they made no pretence at separate bedrooms. He continued to pay rent. But he slept in Kayla’s bed and sex became a normal part of their life.

31./ She would welcome him home from work with kisses and sex and he looked forward to adventurous new sexual encounters.  

Meanwhile in Lagos, Ugonma progressed with her applications. Iheanacho was in Halifax in Nova Scotia. She had tried to get a place at Dalhousie University

32./ in Nova Scotia but eventually, her best offer was the one she received from University of British Columbia for a Masters in Geological Engineering. It was a generous and prestigious scholarship and if she wished, she could take the twins along. At almost 3 years,

33./ it made sense that she should take them. Processing their visas got somewhat complicated when the issue of her marital status came up. She was in the process of a divorce fortunately for her, the case officer didn’t dig deep into details of her marriage and divorce

34./otherwise the fact that her husband had remarried when there wasn’t even a decree nisi, forget a decree absolute may have posed big questions. It had now been over a year since she had seen Iheanacho; they still spoke on the phone but these days

35./ their conversations were stilted. He could only speak at specific times because Kayla felt disrespected if he called when she was in the house. There were so many new rules governing their relationship. Ugonma was confused about how a marriage for paper

36./ had morphed into this new status. But there was little she could do from across the miles. She was fortunate to have her job, the twins and preparations to travel to keep her occupied. Thankfully, because of their status as being in the process of a divorce,

37./ some of the requirements for the father were waived when she produced the supporting documents for the divorce. Ugonma had decided not to tell Iheanacho or anyone else other than her widowed mother her plans so it was lucky that his signature

38./ was not required for any documentation. In an added stroke of good fortune, the university welfare department asked if she wanted to bring along a familiar caregiver for her twins so that she could focus on her research because it was a very important and prestigious grant

39./ she had been awarded and they wanted her to contribute and take full advantage. Ugonma suggested that she would like to bring her mother along. The university took charge of the process and chased up with Immigration Canada and her mother was also given a visa

40./ which allowed her to work as a caregiver. Wow! Ugonma was chuffed and did some internal cartwheels of joy. 

Finally travel day came. They arrived in Vancouver to the typical fog. The twins were cranky after the seemingly never-ending flight.

41./ They cleared immigration and got a taxi to the pre-reserved family residences she had paid for in the blocks rented to postgrad students by external landlords. Rent in Vancouver was expensive, but it was well worth it.  
 
This was the first day of the rest of her life.

42./ They did what they could to unpack a bit before they all crashed and slept. She would call Iheanacho later. 
 
Iheanacho: 
 
What has my life become? I came here to make a better life for my family. Now I’m enmeshed in an entire double life.

43./ My supposed to be wife for paper has decided that she wants me for keeps. Worst of all, she says she’s pregnant. What kind of temptation is this? How am I going to tell my real wife about this? Iheanacho leaned back on the sofa with his eyes closed

44./ and hands folded behind his head. What a conundrum. The worst of it all was that despite everything his body still craved the pleasure he got from sex with Kayla. She had grown on him. He still thought of Ugonma and the twins. Sent money home regularly

45./ but he also loved Kayla and his life with her. He had gradually integrated into her circle and he kept her away from his Nigerian friends. Even Chuks who had done the original intro had taken to questioning him on the state of play?

46./ Kayla was a friendly acquaintance and that was how he had known her and made the introduction at the start. He couldn’t explain it to Chuks either.  
At that moment, his cell phone rang, dragging him out of his reverie. He didn’t recognize the number.

47./ Hello?” He spoke cautiously. Although he didn’t fear calls from immigration. The way he and Kayla cohabited; it would be difficult for immigration to find any loopholes in their relationship. 
 
“Babe? It’s me. Ugonma. Guess where I am?” She sounded excited.

48./ Iheanacho took another look at his phone screen. Definitely a Canadian number. How was that possible? Could Ugonma be here in Canada? Ah! This wasn’t a positive development at all. This was shit hitting the fan. But how could she be in Canada?

49./ “Honey? Where are you?” He asked. Iheanacho kept his voice as expressionless as possible.  
 
“Babe! I’m here in Canadaaaaaaaa!!!” She screamed. “With the twins. You have to come and visit as soon as possible. It’s easier because since you’re alone, it will cost less.”

50./ Ugonma spoke in a rush. 
 How did you come to be in Canada? This is quite a surprise. You didn’t tell me you were applying for a visa. How did you manage that?” Iheanacho knew he sounded unwelcoming and ungracious but he couldn’t help himself.

51./ What kind of tangled web was this closing up on him? How was he going to explain that he had a child on the way with his wife for paper? Kayla was over the moon at the thought of this baby. She had given up hope of having a proper relationship and a child of her own

52./ and now she had him and this baby. Already she had begun to drop hints that they didn’t need to divorce. She still made him pay rent but she made him pay it into a special “rainy day account” meant for both of them. Hmmm... Nsogbu dikwa. (Problems dey).

53./ Ugonma laughed uneasily. It was dawning on her that her husband did not sound pleased or excited about her presence in Canada. His tone was accusatory and interrogatory. She hadn’t seen this coming. “Babe, it’s a long story. But essentially, I decided to reapply

54./ for a fully funded Masters in Engineering. I got awarded a full scholarship to UBC so here I am.” She laughed uneasily again. 
 
“Full scholarship!” Iheanacho was impressed, envious, happy for her but dreaded the implications. Thankfully, UBC was in Vancouver;

55./ half a world away from Halifax but that didn’t solve anything. It merely postponed the evil day. There would be a confrontation at some point. 
“What about the twins?” He asked? “Who will care for them?” He asked.  
 
Ugonma laughed again. A happier laugh.

56./ “Ah! Babe, I was lucky. This is a really prestigious scholarship and they gave me the option of bringing the twins and a caregiver over. I’m here with them and my mother is with us. I couldn’t have planned it better if I was given a wish list.” She answered.

57./ Ghen ghen! Just like that, she had detonated the one argument albeit weak one which he might have latched on to. The shit was really about to hit the fan. He asked to speak to his mother-in-law and to the twins. They didn’t really know whom they were speaking to,

58./ and they only called him daddy when prompted to do so by their mother. They talked for a few more minutes and hung up.  
 
Iheanacho put his phone down, sat up and buried his head in both hands on his thighs, as if hiding away from the world. He felt boxed in.

59./ He didn’t know how it would end, but clearly, it wasn’t going to end in roses and champagne between him and one of his wives. Somebody was going to get badly hurt in this equation, premium wahala loading.  
Hmmm...

60./ Ugonma: 
This is weird. Was Iheanacho less than pleased to find out that I’m in Canada? Or am I being paranoid? 
 
Epilogue: 
 
Ugonma sat at the park bench watching the twins as they chased the football with their peers under the watchful eyes of the dad who had coach

61./ duty that week. So much had happened in the past 2 years. Her uneasy feelings on the day she arrived Canada with her mum and the twins had not abated. It was telling that Iheanacho didn’t make haste to come over to see them in Vancouver. Granted tickets were expensive but...

62./ A man who hadn’t seen his wife and children in over a year? He kept making excuses. He eventually visited 2 months after they arrived. By this time, their conversations had become quite stilted. When he came over, in not so many words,

63./ he let her know that his relationship with Kayla had developed beyond the paper status. Ugonma had been somewhat astonished, but not devastated. She must have been quite distracted in the past year not to have noticed how far apart they had drifted.

64./ He was like a familiar stranger if that made any sense. 
 
She had one question. “Iheanacho? When would I have discovered that I was married to myself? That I was alone in the marriage? That our divorce was for keeps? What if I hadn’t chased this opportunity?

65./ Remember that we pooled all our resources to send you over here for our joint benefit. So, you would have made a new life for yourself here and left me and the twins in this Nigeria to do as we would? Iheanacho?

66./ When I think that I gave in to pressure from you and your family and turned down the first offer I had for a scholarship.” Ugonma shook her head. So, I would have “Gbalu aka, bu lu Aaron?” (Empty handed like the biblical Aaron with nothing to show for my journey).

67./ Iheanacho opened and closed his mouth repeatedly but was unable to formulate any convincing explanations for his perfidy.  
Thank God for her mother, for the twins and for her workload. She held on to her sanity by sheer willpower.

68./ Their divorce was now final and she retained custody of the twins. Iheanacho had visitation rights but he was an irregular presence in their lives. He was wrapped up in his new life with Kayla.m and their daughter.

69./ She had moments of sadness and melancholy when she thought of how close she had come to being the biggest loser. God really rescued her. What if she hadn’t seized this opportunity? She would have remained stuck in Nigeria while Iheanacho lived his best life in Canada.

70./ When the reality finally dawned on her, of all women she would have been the most miserable. She was beginning her doctoral program in the fall. Summer was here now. She was letting herself take time to smell the roses.  
 
Did I fail to mention?

71./ The other ray of sunshine in her life was Anene. He was the boys’ paediatrician. She hadn’t wanted to let another man into her life after the blindsiding betrayal by Iheanacho. But Anene was insistent. He wanted her. He was ready to wait as long as it took to convince her.

72./ Crazy guy. He refused to take no for an answer. He had seen her at her worst. On the days when she was mad and, on the days, when she was sad. On the days when she wanted to kill Iheanacho and on the better days when she was able to view their marriage and its

73./ final breakdown with equanimity. She wasn’t sure if she could trust enough to marry again. Maybe co-habit. But give her heart and all to a man again? She didn’t know. Her mother told her that if she didn’t, then Iheanacho had won. She understood that intellectually, yet...

74./ A pair of hands covered her eyes and a kiss was planted on her cheek. She reached out and turned her face to find his lips. “Mmmmhmmm, you taste so good” he murmured and deepened the kiss. 
 
Ugonma’a spirits soared as he pulled her closer. Perhaps her mom was right.

75./ Iheanacho won’t write the last chapter of her life. She was seizing the day! She should say yes. This will end in praise!  
 
The End