Husbands who complain about having zero sex have no idea how the female sex drive actually works.

Male depression is nearly always a result of learned helplessness, but health providers treat it like female depression and try to make men feel loved instead of powerful.

If your child is an asshole, it's your fault. Even if it's the other parent's fault, it's your fault for picking them. Take some responsibility.

If you find your teen cutting and your ongoing plan is to scream at them every time you find out they did it, you'll probably never meet your grandchildren.

Threatening your drug-abusing teen to make them stop using drugs works about as effectively as threatening a shark to go vegan. The problem isn't the behavior, it's what sort of animal your parenting has turned them into.

Every divorcing couple I ever treated had at least one partner with an attachment issue. Divorces between two healthy people just don't happen.

Daycare has been shown to harm attachments, especially for babies. Their mental health outcomes later in life are impacted.

Saying this out loud can get you fired.

Most people don't want to hear the truth. They want to feel good about giving up.

Most couples entering couples' therapy are there because one has given up and wants an excuse to prove it's not their fault. The other truly believes they can make the relationship work.

About half of parents who put their teens in therapy want the therapist to fix their kid because they can't be bothered building a healthy relationship with their own child.

Most people in therapy are there because of the people in their life who actually needed therapy refused to get it.

Parents willing to put in the work to help their children heal from anxiety and depression are worth their weight in gold. But they're few and far between. Most spend more time selecting their next Netflix show than paying attention to their child's wellbeing.

Latent anxiety is nearly always the result of attachment issues. But most people with anxiety don't know this because their attachment issues have been with them as long as they can remember, so they don't know any different. And many don't even know they have anxiety.

People think you only get PTSD from war or rape. It's not true.

People think you can get PTSD from not being validated. It's not true.

For most people, the cycle of mental health looks like this:

Attachment issue Anxiety Depression

Except for severe cases which often look like this:

Trauma Attachment issue Anxiety Depression Panic attacks Manic episodes

People are more likely to take a pill for years that they don't understand and don't think will actually help than they are to attempt even one uncomfortable conversation that could save their life.

Most cases of depression are a natural response to our broken society. We gain much of our sense of worth, purpose, meaning, and joy from our relationships. But those relationships have never been more systematically destroyed than they are today.

Depression may serve a very real biological purpose. If you're stuck in a bad situation that's unhealthy for you, for a long time, there is benefit in becoming so miserable that you lose your filter and tear it all apart.

Most women communicate with men using methods that only work for women. When they don't get the response a woman would give them, they think men are rejecting them. They agonize over what they could have done wrong to be treated this way.

Most men have no idea this is happening.

Most men don't know how female communication works. They provide solutions, which is what THEY would want, when a woman wants VALIDATION.

When this is pointed out, most men assume it's untrue. Because they'd hate to receive only validation instead of a solution.

The female sex drive runs on intimacy. Intimacy depends upon emotional security and attachment strength. Both of these are dependent upon both partners working as a partnership.

Even the slightest issue can derail the female sex drive. It's a great litmus test for a relationship

Most women with attachment issues ramp their sex drive through the roof at the start of a relationship and then nosedive the moment it becomes secure.

And they hate themselves for both sides of it.

I have never met a young woman with sexual trauma who didn't believe it was somehow her fault.

Part of this is the need to believe she can prevent it in the future. Admitting it's beyond her power is worse than feeling guilty.

A woman's sex life can actually be better after she heals from sexual trauma than before the trauma happened.

This is entirely dependent upon her taking a proactive and intentional approach to emotional partner engagement, communication, and understanding her natural sex drive.

Most people with PTSD don't know they have PTSD.

And most of them refuse to believe it even when they're shown the diagnostic criteria they just admitted to.

Most depressed men probably don't need medication. Even then ones who do need it need more than just medication.

Depressed men need purpose, a mission, and the power to accomplish that mission.

Give a man those 3 things and he can crawl over broken glass with a smile.

Bad insurance company practices are a big reason most patients won't seek therapy.

And a big reason there aren't more practicing therapists to bring the cost down.

It's okay to be sad. That doesn't mean you're depressed.

It's okay to be worried. That doesn't mean you're anxious.

It's okay to experience trauma. That doesn't mean you have PTSD.

Not everything is a diagnosable issue.

Most men won't get therapy because most therapy is aimed at helping women heal, not men. Each requires a different method, and even individuals have different needs.

Men are not wrong for this. The field is wrong for not providing clearer options for people with different needs.

Most people are looking for talk therapy but really need solution-focused therapy.

Most therapists are trained to never provide solution-focused therapy in order to validate their clients.

Most couples say they value communication but then run their relationship as if ever mentioning the problems under the surface will destroy the whole thing.

"We're only together because we don't mention what's wrong! We can never discuss it!"

Imagine running a business this way

The best couples have business meetings to discuss the state of their relationship.

They address problems together with a solution-focused approach and guarantee mutual fulfillment.

Because a lasting marriage is more like a business than a fairytale.

A husband and wife with attachment issues can usually survive until they have kids.

Then the wife sees the kids struggling without a healthy bond to their father and begins treating him like a threat to "her kids".

He usually has no idea why she's slowly turning on him.

A damaged man is incapable of love because he does not believe love will be freely given, only earned through works.

He seeks false intimacy in lust and mistakes sex for acceptance. These men seek insecure women who believe themselves unlovable and who use sex to earn approval.

Most young women who experience rape only recover when they accept that the rape was actually nothing personal, because the attacker was incapable of loving attachment and did not view them or anyone else as a human and only as an object.

Most are shocked, then relieved.

Most women are disgusted when they finally learn how the male sex drive works. Then they test to see if it's true, and when it is, they start to like the new power they hold.

Women are insecure about details. Men don't notice details. Men notice body parts

No man ever said, "Hey, one of her nipples is slightly larger than the other"

But every woman knows which of her nipples is larger than the other and is terrified her partner will leave her for it

Most women spend their time worrying about the man they love noticing imperfections that only another woman would ever notice.

Few women realize that you cover imperfections by distracting men with accentuated body parts.

Flaunt what you've got. He won't care about the rest.

Too many people reading this thread have no idea what "attachment" means

It's the most important thing in a human life, but our society has downplayed it so hard that we don't even teach it anymore

Ancient societies made it their main focus because attachment is life itself

Most people would be better off breaking their phone in half and never touching the internet again

Teen depression and suicide rates skyrocketed in 2007 when the first iPhone released

But most people will take a pill and binge Netflix instead

Most anxious women are so preoccupied with worrying what their husband or boyfriend expects that they forget to ask him.

Of the few who do think to ask him, most believe he'll be too nice to tell the truth.

Those who do ask usually can't believe his answer.

Insecure men spend so much time trying to please their wife they way they pleased their own mother that they force their wife into a mother role.

Then they wonder why she doesn't initiate sex anymore.

Many insecure women would rather open an OnlyFans account and get validation from strangers than have a brutally honest conversation with the man they love about what he expects.

Because strangers just want her body. And most insecure women don't believe they're worth loving.

I've got a ton of people asking me to define attachment. It's my clinical specialty. Here's an excerpt from one of the books I've written on the subject. There's a section in here titled "What is attachment?" https://adamlanesmith.com/2020/12/02/insecurity-and-attachment/

Most wives in bad marriages who resent their husbands are really angry at the emotional pain their kids endure in the relationship with their father, the husband.

Most husbands would be better off fixing things with their kids first.

Most husbands will never realize this.

Most men have absolutely no idea how to talk to their wife.

Their wife says, “Talk to me!” and he answers, “What am I supposed to say?”

Women develop emotional intimacy through talking. Men don’t know how to do this.

Women tend to be happiest when they feel USEFUL to the people they love. They also want to feel TRUSTED with inside information about how you’re doing and what your challenges are, again so they can HELP and BE USEFUL.

VULNERABILITY indicates huge trust.

Emotional intimacy is an aphrodisiac.

Most people have no idea what "emotional intimacy" even means.

OnlyFans is popular because actresses can provide the ultimate digital girlfriend experience to men desperate for love and sexual approval.

Male customers offer the actresses concrete financial assistance and thus feel like good providers in return for earned sexual attention.

OnlyFans is psuedo-pairbonding. It's having a wife in your pocket who will give you sexual attention at the press of a button. Sending her money releases dopamine as a provider

And she'll never press you emotionally or reveal your deepest secret: That you feel innately unlovable

Our society obsesses over one kind of health and ignores others.

“Whoa don’t swallow that laced ecstasy, your dealer’s not wearing his COVID mask.”

“But Sarah, I cant smash strangers in the bathroom SOBER.”

And we treat this thinking as normal.

Some people actually believe you must have sex with someone before you marry them to make sure it's good sex.

As if sexual behavior is innate and not cultivated through deep communication and sharing of needs.

These people want physical intimacy without emotional intimacy.

So many have their first panic attack and believe it’s a heart attack instead.

An issue with insecurity and anxiety is often an issue with principles.

Post-traumatic stress is intensely real, but so can be Post-traumatic growth. Healing allows you to harness your experiences for strength.

Humans structure music according to their mother’s heartbeat from the womb. Slow music makes us tired because slow heart rate means sleeping, and fast music in action movies makes us feel something is about to happen because she experiences a surge of adrenaline with fast beats.

If you’re geared 100% toward earning approval from others out of constant fear of abandonment then sex becomes a performance based on fear of doing it wrong and the other person abandoning you.

Orgasm can be almost impossible under those conditions.

Female arousal is based on emotional intimacy and perceived security, which attachment issues undermine. And if all her sex is a performance there’s no focus on her own body, it’s on maximizing approval earned by boosting her partner’s pleasure.

Women shackled by the belief they’re innately unlovable and have to earn approval by being perfect are gonna have a pretty terrible time ever achieved orgasm because they're too distracted. And frankly, losing control is frightening and embarrassing. What if they orgasm wrong?

There’s a whole lotta people worrying about things they can’t change,

And ignoring things they can.

Mental health is all around us. If you struggle with personal issues you certainly don’t have to speak out. But remember that people around you may be suffering in silence and feel all alone in their struggles.

Sometimes sharing your own story encourages others to get help.