This world is hard, and at its best we struggle rather than suffer. All of us carry trauma, usually unprocessed, and these wounds lead us to recreate the trauma in others.

There’s no need to lie or sensationalize.

And doing so shuts down the real discussion all of us need.

I rolled my eyes at “trauma” for years, then ayahuasca made me confront paid I had hidden from.

You cannot hide from yourself. Close your eyes and there you open. Open them and there you are.

I learned that I masked trauma, lived in denial of it, and how this closed my heart.

When you’re forced to confront trauma, it’s terrifying as your soul may not be ready for it. This is why people vomit from ayahuasca. It’s fighting trauma and your body purges it.

As you let the medicine work, you feel the pain travel through you, you weep and it’s released.

Because we are human bodies, we fight again pain and should. However we must also learn how to release trauma when the environment is safe.

When you are only strong, you bury layers of pain, but your most vulnerable part is your soul - the source of your creativity and love.

I have no problem admitting I often weep - from a beautiful song or maybe when simply sitting with myself, not hiding from past trauma. Letting the emotions flow through my spirit.

Ironically, by being open to trauma, my own pain threshold increased.

Stuff that used to bother me doesn’t register. Or even when people send attacks my way I rarely notice.

“I am plugged into the Infinite. You’re not even noise.”

Healing requires pain - it’s your Spirit.

The last 2 times I did ayahuasca, I didn’t even purge.

Because I learned to “sit with myself.”

Letting the pain flow through me.

And the pain is double sided - what others have done to you, but also what you’ve done to others. The latter hurts the worst.

With the medicine, each time is a new lesson. It’s infinite wisdom. No machine elves or whatever people think.

Ayahuasca is a psychological and spiritual guide.

It’s beautiful - yes you will he held accountable and forced to confront your choices.

That’s how healing starts.

During on experience the medicine said, “I had them cancel you because now you can talk about anything. Talk about ayahuasca. What are they going to do? Call you fringe? Mock you? You’re free to say anything you want, and no one can harm you.”

God has a plan for all you.

I realized, what a beautiful gift.

I know so many powerful people who live in fear of the shadow, of judgment, of being themselves.

And like what can anyone do now? Cancel me again. Attack me more.

There’s such freedom now.

“Love thy enemies,” is not in my nature, but the medicine has been showing me that people lash out at me due to their own unprocessed trauma. Like who gives a fuck about me so much that hating me is your life? I’m not that cool.

It is their own deep pain, and I feel compassion.

Because we walk between this world and God’s, the challenge is to not let people destroy you, while recognizing they are hurting, and that’s why they lash out.

We have human obligations and cannot let them destroy us, but we must also seek to heal.

What the medicine teaches is that only the strong can love, because love makes us vulnerable.

Yet this vulnerability comes from our desire to control rather than feel. To know all is fleeting, which is what gives love meaning.

It’s also revealing that when I talk about love, male ego comes out to attack me. Pussy; gay; embarrassing; crazy; bitch.

It’s their own insecurities, hiding from their vulnerabilities.

It’s me. Do you even know?

If I can cry, you can, too.

People are afraid to love, because to love is to lose. It’s the topside to the downside. You can’t lose if you never love, and too many choose to feel nothing at all.

The fear of losing is why most never start. You can always rationalize what you could have done “if I really wanted to.”

It’s how we protect ourselves.

We hide from our dreams and hide from love, because we’re afraid to risk our hearts.

Without risk, we become hollow.

You should love because it’s good in and of itself, and also because the pain from loving and losing is what connects your body to your spirit. That’s where creativity and inspiration hide like diamonds. All great artists cry.