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It’s a common experience for me and for others with #invisibledisabilities to be doubted. #NEISvoid Thread ahead:
My question is, why would we lie about the extent of our issues? We have so much more to lose by telling anyone about them than we have to gain. Like work. But maybe we want to keep working. Maybe with a little accommodation we could. We take a chance when we disclose. 1/?
“You look good,” is a common thing to hear. Or “BUT, you look good.” Yup. That’s why they are called #InvisibleDisabilities. 2/?
Years ago, when I had cancer and was at my most skeletal, I was stopped in the grocery store by an acquaintance who told me how good I looked. Because I was thin. Let that sink in. I took my hat off to show her my bald head, said I had cancer. I think about that a lot. 3/?
I remember I just wanted to get out and have a few minutes of normal, but I couldn’t handle it and got back to the car, cried, rested, and drove home. 4/?
You see the person at the store and think, oh, they’re fine, they’re shopping. You see that minute. You don’t see the next. And sometimes we just want to “pass,” wear the wig, hide the IV port, have a “normal” convo that is not about our meds or whatever. Who can blame us? 5/?
People with #InvisibleDisabilities, #BrainInjury #ChronicIllness, #Cancer etc., have good days and bad. It’s a small mercy that we have some times that are better than others. These good days change nothing about our diagnoses but are little gifts of grace we accept with joy. 6/?
Sometimes, if we’re lucky, we muster all of our resources and do “A Big Thing.” We’re still allowed to do big things. To have accomplishments. And they deserve extra celebration because they often take SO MUCH EFFORT and the help of loved ones and friends and colleagues. 7/?
And we learn, among many other things, that no accomplishment is purely individual. We learn that we are all part of a great collective. At least I learned that. I learned gratitude. I have had so much help in bad times. And when I can, I always try to give back. 8/?
Those who think that disability and illness has to be constant pain and woe to be real (insurance companies, for one) are a barrier to us living the best life we can live in the moments when we are well enough to go for a walk or succeed at something. 9/?
Some days, some hours, some minutes, are better than others. It’s the nature of disability and illness. Sadly, depending on what we’ve got, there may come a time when the days, hours and minutes get worse and worse in a relentless downward slide to death. (Sorry, bummer.) 10/?
Is that what the doubters and gaslighters want to see? Is it important that we look suitably bad to you? How bad does it have to be? Think about what you are asking us to demonstrate. Think about your own belief system and why you think it. 11/?
Those of us living with #disability #BrainInjury #chronicillness #cancer, etc., can tell when “You look good” is a compliment and when it is an accusation. We really can. 12/?
We contain multitudes. We have parts of us that work really well while others don’t. We have good days and bad days. If you really need to express doubt about what someone else tells you regarding their #illness or #disability maybe ask yourself why, and just don’t. End.
