Thread by @Naomi_Barrow, In my experience, people who're #autistic (especially when undiagnosed) are often told [...]

In my experience, people who're #autistic (especially when undiagnosed) are often told that their thoughts, feelings and experiences are untrue.

For me, discovering I'm #ActuallyAutistic as an adult means learning to trust my voice again, and to advocate for myself.

(1/17)

This is really tricky. Because it means 'unlearning' and 'unpicking' a whole lot of stuff, and learning to believe and trust my body and experiences, and then to advocate for myself.

(2/17)

An example: I'm hypersensitive to sound. In the past, comments of 'it's too loud' have been dismissed with replies like 'no it's not', and 'it only seems that way because your house is quiet'.

So I learned that I was 'wrong'. No matter what I felt, it wasn't 'too loud'.

(3/17)

When we're young, we often voice our needs, through crying, asking, shouting, or communicating in another way.

But when these assertions are constantly invalidated, dismissed or put down, we learn to stop. To squish and ignore our needs. To sit and be quiet.

(4/17)

We learn to 'put up with it'. That being uncomfortable is 'just part of life'. That 'everyone else just gets on with it so why can't you?'.

We learn that we're wrong and our interpretations and feelings our wrong.

We learn to stay quiet if we're finding things tough.

(5/17)

This can have wide-ranging implications. Sometimes it means we spend hours trying to problem-solve alone. It can mean we stop asking for help - ever. It can mean that we put ourselves in risky situations.

(6/17)

Often we start relying on facts and experiencing the world from the outside in. Routine becomes essential. We lose touch with ourselves and our own wants and needs to try and fit in (and avoid the invalidating remarks).

(7/17)

It's a struggle. It takes so much effort. It's exhausting and can feel like we're drowning.

But what choice do we have? We've been taught that our voice doesn't matter.

(8/17)

In order to start advocating for ourselves again, we first have to learn what it is we need.

This is so difficult. How are we supposed to know which things are hard because we're autistic, and which are hard because life's hard sometimes?

(9/17)

Getting back in touch with our body and the way we physically experience things isn't straightforward either.

We've ignored and silenced signals for so long that it can be hard to recognise them again.

(10/17)

We have to start believing that our voice and needs matter and that we're not 'wrong' or 'being silly'.

We have to start believing that we're allowed to feel comfortable and 'okay'.

(11/17)

We might have to start learning to ask for adaptations. Often we have to learn our rights (and fight for them).

It's a rocky learning curve, because though some people are amazingly wonderful, others continue to invalidate and put down.

(12/17)

If that wasn't hard enough, we might have no idea of the adaptations available to us. We might not know what exists. We might not know anything about equipment or groups or reasonable adjustments or anything like that.

Because why would we?

(13/17)

We need people around us who can helps us to get our voice back.

We need people who validate what we're saying. Who ask thoughtful questions to try and understand us.

(14/17)

We need people who understand that the small adjustments we're asking for are nothing compared to the big adjustments we've made all our lives.

We need people who know what's available to us and point us in the right direction.

(15/17)

We need people who believe us.

We need people who don't speak for us (unless we ask them to), but who stand alongside us.

(16/17)

Learning to advocate for ourselves and ask for what we need isn't quick or easy. It's not a linear path and there are always going to be ups and downs.

But we need people to understand that our experiences aren't wrong, just because they're different.

(17/17)

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