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Feelings I was anticipating I'd feel when I got "tickets" for the #CovidVaccine: relief, joy, dismay (Why tf are there "tickets?" Why tf is it through Eventbrite like it's the Jonas Brothers reunion?)
Feelings I didn't anticipate: guilt, terror, anger, shock
A thread (1/9)
Feelings I didn't anticipate: guilt, terror, anger, shock
A thread (1/9)
All 4 family members were stationed at separate computers. @DrPhrog & I at home, @MrFineCline at his dorm, & my mom at her office. I was vaguely reminded of the first time my college roommates & I tried to get a dorm together Soph. yr: upping our chances to get the room. (2/9)
By 7AM, we were all refreshing the event page. Bc, it's a fucking "event," which really just adds to the surrealism of the whole thing. My mom got in first. She called me (who was yet to get in to any "line"). My dad was "in line" for this "popular event." (3/9)
Mom sounded panicked. No one knew what the form would look like or if we could register everyone at once. So she put my dad's name first. (4/9)
Now, most people would register themselves first, bc your own name comes most easily to mind, right? No. My 60-something, diabetic, immunocompromised mother put my dad's name first. Bc he's also in his 60s. & diabetic. & on dialysis. As it turns out, my brother did, too. (5/9)
& I'm crying a little bc OF COURSE we all would've put him first. He needs this vaccine the most. But the fact that we had to fucking choose. That we had to get "tickets." That we had to have "all hands on deck" like this. It makes me so, deeply angry. (6/9)
Dad got the confirmation email. (The last time I saw, "You've got the tickets!" was when I was living out my dream of seeing the Jonas Brothers live & this...wasn't the same emotion.) "You did it, Mom," I said, still on the phone. "We got it. We're in. We're good." (7/9)
So, the Clines--all immunocompromised educators--are getting vaccinated. & I'm so grateful. Especially for my parents. But I'm also feeling terrified. & guilty. Terrified that they'll take it back or we'll get turned away. Guilty bc "do you REALLY need it first, Katie?" (8/9)
& I'm angry at everything. More recently, as the adrenaline fades after an hour, I'm exhausted. I'm tired of being angry & scared & uncertain. & this vaccine won't take any of that away. But, God, I hope this is progress.
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