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Took a day to think & I'm not okay.
I've been gaslit & in relationships w/toxic people who accused me of lots of things & can confirm: the accuser is not always the victim.
We DO need to listen, but we can't convict without evidence. Doing so hurts victims more than you think.
I've been gaslit & in relationships w/toxic people who accused me of lots of things & can confirm: the accuser is not always the victim.
We DO need to listen, but we can't convict without evidence. Doing so hurts victims more than you think.
This instant, knee-jerk, cancel culture & subsequent "block me if" mentality only creates echo chambers & erodes the credibility of true victims while forcing bystanders to make snap decisions & take sides.
For what? Clout? Keeping followers?
Not getting canceled ourselves?
For what? Clout? Keeping followers?
Not getting canceled ourselves?
If we are going to move forward as a fandom or society, we must first and foremost be willing to LISTEN and engage in difficult conversations.
THIS is NOT the same as condoning bad/illegal/abusive behavior.
LISTENING and FACT-CHECKING does not equal approval of the bad thing.
THIS is NOT the same as condoning bad/illegal/abusive behavior.
LISTENING and FACT-CHECKING does not equal approval of the bad thing.
No one, not one of us, is fine with AD assaulting an older woman with a chair.
Not one of us is cool with him having people fired for simply "looking at" him on set.
But these things DIDN'T HAPPEN.
Not one of us is cool with him having people fired for simply "looking at" him on set.
But these things DIDN'T HAPPEN.
And while "asshole" behavior falls under a gray area, open to interpretation depending on generational and cultural norms, and I'm sure nobody likes the idea of thinking someone we all admire acting like a jerk, at the end of the day, he owes us NOTHING.
Not a goddamned thing.
Not a goddamned thing.
Because we know virtually NOTHING about him. And he doesn't know us.
And unless you're his boss, director, agent, or some other entity w/whom he signed a contract, it is not for us to insert ourselves & demand apologies or insist he gets therapy for stuff WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.
And unless you're his boss, director, agent, or some other entity w/whom he signed a contract, it is not for us to insert ourselves & demand apologies or insist he gets therapy for stuff WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.
As much as it might feel good to say we were on the "right side" for immediately believing one person's accusation without considering the possibility there was more to the story, you have to know it leaves zero wiggle room for the other side to present a fair defense.
As someone who's been accused and convicted similarly? It fucking sucks. And there's no coming back from it.
And there's nothing that can be done about it.
Not unless we listen to each other, and have some grace and compassion and some patience.
And there's nothing that can be done about it.
Not unless we listen to each other, and have some grace and compassion and some patience.
I'm not calling anybody out. Some of us had to deactivate, block/mute bc this was triggering as hell.
I'm just saying if we can't trust each other & LISTEN to each other, if we silo off & block & mute anyone who steps over this invisible line, how do we build anything together?
I'm just saying if we can't trust each other & LISTEN to each other, if we silo off & block & mute anyone who steps over this invisible line, how do we build anything together?
And why would I wanna help build & contribute to a fandom that's so quick to judge someone it claims to love?
As a victim, I'll tell ya this thought is scary & makes me super nervous. I'm human. I'm gonna mess up.
But if this is what happens when I do? It's not worth my time.
As a victim, I'll tell ya this thought is scary & makes me super nervous. I'm human. I'm gonna mess up.
But if this is what happens when I do? It's not worth my time.
