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I think parents are often told to always make their kid be happy/content at all times.
And this often becomes and issue when kids (autistic or not) rightly feel negative emotions, such as sadness/anger, or when an autistic person has a meltdown/shutdown.
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I think parents are often told to always make their kid be happy/content at all times.
And this often becomes and issue when kids (autistic or not) rightly feel negative emotions, such as sadness/anger, or when an autistic person has a meltdown/shutdown.
1/10
It's important not to tell a kid who is feeling anxious/upset/frustrated that "everything is okay" because that's not their current reality. They're not okay. And they need to be allowed to experience those feelings without someone telling them otherwise.
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2/10
I think that's why it's especially hard for allistic parents to understand what to do when a child has a meltdown over something that's emotionally upsetting, that they can't do anything about. For me, hugging/"comforting" makes everything 10X worse.
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Telling me "everything's going to be fine" when I'm clearly Not Fine is like telling me that the sky is green when I'm looking at it. It's just wrong. It just makes me even more upset because I know that's incorrect information and I don't understand why someone would lie.
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4/10
During a meltdown/shutdown, I don't want anyone to touch me, or hug me at all. Every touch is a startle or a prickle. But allistic parents' instinct is too hug their kid. Being around and available, but not talking, touching me, or expecting me to talk, is the most helpful.
5/10
5/10
Some autistic kids do need deep pressure from parents to help calm them down, but it's a very specific type of touch and in very specific situations. It's not commonly light touch, as again, that can be startling/painful.
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6/10
I'd urge allistic parents to learn to understand what helps their autistic kid during a meltdown, and think of it from their point of view.
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7/10
I get that it's stressful to feel like you can't help your kid, you can't hug/comfort them or tell them it's okay. But it's important to let them feel their emotion because that's the quickest, and often healthiest way to get through it.
8/10
8/10
Autistic kids need a guide to be there in case they need support, not someone to stamp out the emotion they are feeling with positive words and sensory overload. Figure out what works for your kid when your kid is calm, so you have a plan.
9/10
9/10
You are not "doing nothing" when you let your kid decompress in their sensory safe space, or when you don't talk to your kid when they're in a meltdown. You're helping your kid by doing that.
It may not feel or look that way at the time, but you are. Remember that.
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It may not feel or look that way at the time, but you are. Remember that.
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