With great boredom comes mediocre threads. Spider-Man livetweet incoming.

This came out in 2002, the perfect time for my first Spider-man flick. At seven I still believed in movie magic, and after 9/11 I was also deeply traumatized with an encouraged appetite for violence. Enter Sam Raimi,

Forgot how long these credits were. Good directors always mimic their heroes by putting the credits before the movie, but they never realize that in the 70s people didn't want to leave the theater, they wanted to stay as long as possible. There was malaise back home.

The first shot of our hero is an unjaded "yep, that's me." We were a kinder people before Robot Chicken.

Sorry for the delay, got a call from my Dad. Couldn't tell him I was busy with a Spider-man thread on my secret twitter account, I've already brought enough shame as it is.

Raimi cheerfully stealing from Forrest Gump. Half expect that Southern kid to pop up next. "Can't sit heea."

Can tell you right now there won't be any thirstposting for Kristin Dunst in this. Not her fault, she's thristworthy in Marie-Antoinette. But Mary-Jane is not the girl next door, she's the reformed woo-girl who gets a little crazy on Bachelor Night. Kristin Dunst has never woo'd.

Also a fatal mistake in skipping Gwen Stacy. Gwen is the type of girl you date in high school. MJ is the girl you realize you're pretty much dating halfway through junior year, ends up becoming the mother of your children.