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It's unfortunate how much Muslim men are belittled for their sexual desires. When they struggle with them, they are shamed for being "weak" and are told merely to fast. While fasting is a Prophetic medicine /1
It's unfortunate how much Muslim men are belittled for their sexual desires. When they struggle with them, they are shamed for being "weak" and are told merely to fast. While fasting is a Prophetic medicine /1
It's not supposed to be a long term solution. It's the second best thing one could do to protect themselves *before* they spiral. The best long-term solution is a healthy marriage. /2
Some think fasting twice a week is sufficient. In their attempts to be chaste, many men realize that suppressing their carnal desires requires more commitment than twice a week, lest they slip again. And then again. And then again. The fast of Dawud (as) - every other day... /3
Although fulfillment of sexual desire isn't regarded as essential as food and drink for survival, for many men who cannot release in a halal manner, it can only be described as agonizing. This is a message I got yesterday in a group chat from some I regard as incredibly pious: /4
It was over these very desires, some of the sahaba, asked permission from the Prophet to *castrate* themselves, because of its sheer intensity.
salla Llahu alayhi wa alihi wa sahbihi was sallam. /5
salla Llahu alayhi wa alihi wa sahbihi was sallam. /5
Due to the shame associated with these desires, and the secular leanings of some Muslim families, lots of Muslim boys striving to be chaste have to fast without their parents knowing lest they be ostracized for their struggles or called extreme for "being too religious". /6
Even the idea of lowering the gaze - another casual expectation, undermining the gravity of the command - one that becomes a difficult mission for the average guy. Even a simple gaze can send a man into a mental spiral which requires intense mental resistance and resilience. /7
It's no wonder why the Prophet ﷺ described the unlawful gaze as a "poisoned arrow from Satan." With the way society has been hypersexualized, shaytaan's been throwing poisoned bullets left and right. /8
It's absolutely crucial for men who want to stay chaste that they minimize and reduce the amount of media consumption. This means giving up movies, and TV shows, or aimlessly browsing through their social media feeds. /9
Even if a guy listens to a music, they absolutely must not listen to female singers, especially pop singers. The voice can have its own allure, the music industry knows this so, so of course they are going to try exploiting it. /10
And they must refrain from music that contains lyrical garbage - topics related to dysfunctional relationships, broken hearts, carnal desires, etc. But not listening to music at all is obviously ideal. One step at a time. /11
Remember that the eyes and ears are important gateways to the heart. Protect the gateways, and your heart too will be protected. /12
It goes without saying that marriage is not a cure for pornography addiction which fundamentally functions differently and requires a different, albeit overlapping set of remedies. /13
All of the above certainly applies to Muslim women, but I didn't address them because the carnal desires of Muslim men are often belittled by two categories: 1) naive parents who wrongfully delay facilitation of marriage for their kids and 2) many young Muslim women /14
This thread is also more characteristic of the regular, universal experience of Muslim men. /15
Nonetheless, may Allah protect our modesty, chastity, and grant us ease in all our struggles, and pious partners who are loving, empathetic and raise us despite our own shortcomings and imperfections. /16
As for the advice to the brother, I told him:
"Send salawat. The desire cannot live when you remember Muhammad ﷺ."
Some more advice.
"Send salawat. The desire cannot live when you remember Muhammad ﷺ."
Some more advice.
Remember to safeguard your night through night dhikr: surah Mulk, last 2 ayat of Surah Baqarah, 100 salawat (at least), 4 Fatihas, 3 Quls 3 times each, ayat al kursi, sleeping on your right side, putting away your devices and away from you.
And to safeguard your day through morning dhikr, opening with the duas for waking up from sleeping, the Sunnah of Fajr, Fajr, and 100 salawat (at least), and through regular salaat because prayer is a safeguard from sin, and all the associated adkhar after finishing each.
But all of the above has to be done with as much intent or sincerity, otherwise you're just fooling yourself.
If you cannot muster sincerity, try your best to.
If you cannot muster sincerity, try your best to.
