Let's talk about Polyamory!

I've gotten a lot of DM Questions, so I figured I'd make one big thread about it!

This is going to be a long and involved thread. If you don't like descriptions of Non-Monogamy, scroll on my friend.

I will use gendered (man/woman, him/her, penis/vagina, etc) terms, but this isn't to imply that Trans/NB are excluded.

1) Polyamory (aka Poly, Polyam...) is when someone has an intimate* relationship with more than one person.

*(Intimacy is more than just sex)

One of the core tenants is being ethical. So, everyone involved understands that there are more than just two people in the relationship. This is also called 'Ethical Non-Monogamy' (which is an awesome book btw...)

There's no set number of people involved.

2) No two Poly relationships are the same. There are multiple ways to practice this particular lifestyle (aka 'Dynamic'). Our Dynamic is considered 'Kitchen Table'.

Generally speaking, everyone in our Polymer (our name for our relationship group) would be comfortable having a meal around the kitchen table. Everyone knows that others exist.

This does not mean everyone is intimate with one another; we just strive for amiable feelings amongst everyone in the group. Our personal end goal is to have a big home where we all live as one big family.

Addressing misconceptions:

4) It's not (entirely) about the sex. Poly is different from 'Swinging'. This isn't to say that Dynamics can't include Swinging or strictly sexual Metamors, but it's not a standard feature of all Poly Dynamics.

I have Metamors that TAE won't have sex with the same way he has Metamors that I won't have sex with. Sex isn't the overarching factor in our Dynamic.

5) The 'One Penis/Vagina Dynamic'. Most people assume that TAE has the run of the 'hen house' and the only penis that's in play is his. This is probably one of the more controversial parts of Poly Dynamics.

The OP/VD is a valid dynamic *if* all parties involved agree to it. There are dynamics that have 1 Woman with 5 Men, 1 Man with 3 Women, 1 Top with 6 Bottoms and so forth. The idea of having one person who holds the "master key" is appealing to many.

This dynamic only works and isn't toxic if all participants are in eager agreement. If not, the dynamic is toxic and gross.

6) Our Dynamic looks like this: TAE and I are the "foundation" couple. We don't like to use the word "primary" because it makes it sound like the other relationships are less than.

We have a girlfriend. That means we both have an intimate relationship with her. We go on dates as a "threesome" and separately. TAE has a Metamore; he has a distinct relationship with her and my only involvement is friendship with her.

I have a Metamore and we have a relationship that is separate with TAE.

7) The big question is how do we find people to have relationships with!

This is always the hard part, lol. It usually starts the same way as any other relationship. We see someone we're attracted to and we strike up a conversation. From the very beginning, we tell that person that we are one part...

Of a Poly Dynamic. If they aren't interested, it's not a big deal and we move on. If they are? GREAT!

If they are interested, it starts just like any other relationship with dating. We start introducing them to the other people within the Dynamic (yes, we have a group chat...) and we let things grow organically from there.

We also get people who see us posting stuff like this and they decide they want to dip their toes in the Poly Waters and we scooch over in the pool to let them in.

Can you cheat in a Poly Dynamic?

Hell. Yes.

Our only rule is open honesty about any relationship. If TAE were to be on business, meets a woman at a bar, and they go back to his room and screw like rabbits...but he doesn't tell me (or his Metamore(s) )and I/we find out a couple months later...that's cheating.

If I were to be chatting up someone in DMs and we exchange nudes/sexts/racy convos, but I don't tell TAE or my Metamore(s)...that's cheating.