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I Think We’re Gonna Have to Stop Saying We Hate Cis People (or At Least Say It a Little Less): A Thread
okay, so obviously we associate cis people with transphobia, and of course it makes sense that we want spaces exclusive to trans people where we can share issues that cis people don’t face without needing to explain everything to them, however...
carrying an exclusionary attitude is not ultimately in favor of our goals for the trans communities at large.
first of all, when we keep resources, information, and our experiences within self-contained, trans-only social circles, we’re likely pushing eggs right back into denial.
first of all, when we keep resources, information, and our experiences within self-contained, trans-only social circles, we’re likely pushing eggs right back into denial.
when i still thought i was cis, i of course thought trans spaces were not for me. if i were not concerned about respectfully “staying in my lane” i think it would have benefited my understanding of myself and others. i didn’t really have a group to form my own identity within.
from what I have seen, a lot of trans people wish they’d had the resources to understand themselves sooner and had been able to come out sooner (sadly statistics are not available). we need to keep people who think they are cis, but are not, in mind when we talk about cis people.
i also think that people who ARE ultimately cis should still have spaces to safely explore and understand their gender! i think in an attempt to keep trans spaces safe and prevent imitation for mockery or profit, we are unwittingly forcing cis people into the binary we oppose!
the idea of a cis boy wearing a skirt, for example, should not be our enemy. i agree that femininity being more celebrated in cis men than in trans men is a problem, and i know that cis people appropriating trans ideas and diluting them for attention is dangerous to our values...
but we can’t continue using the shorthand of “cis boys in skirts” as though THAT itself is the problem, because then we’re just enforcing the cultural binary to better distinguish ourselves as being outside of it, rather than abolishing it for EVERYONE.
and if someone thinks they are trans and they are wrong, so what! they’ve gone on a journey of self-discovery that required open-mindedness and now they have had a chance to understand YOU better. so long as they are not leaving that experience a willing pawn of transphobia...
there was never any harm in being open to them having that experience (and here’s the thing- being allowed into trans spaces is not what makes cis people transphobic! that’s not the problem).
now like i said, i know we get fatigued from explaining ourselves, and we get apprehensive with people who don’t yet understand us because we have experienced the harm that can bring. and i’m not gonna pretend i’m not still gonna say “i hate cis people” only half-sarcastically
when i get annoyed, but i do think we should try to reel it in a little and be more open to people who are not openly trans. it’s not your job to explain everything to everyone, but don’t chase them away from learning through our shared experiences, either :)
anyway i love you all! i mostly wrote this to sort through my thoughts for myself, as i’ve been locked into my preference for communicating with people who already understand me and have alienated myself from cis allies. thank you for reading and for sharing your own opinions !
