There's a really good book called Assuming A Body that postulates our actual real bodies exist in the empty space between where we are today versus what we aspire to become, and that our bodies are actually a drive that is created by that tension.

This book is mostly centered on trans people, but the analysis extends to all people. I think if we could deconstruct the idea of vanity and replace it with aspiration and understand that our aspirations are actually what makes us who we are,

then we could go a long way towards eliminating the artificial divides that are causing the tension between what makes a person trans vs cis.

And that the "what makes us trans' question becomes a really simple answer, we aren't our assigned gender at birth.

Whatever comes after that then becomes kinda non-controversial because it's simply a different path to the same outcome, that ALL of us are aspirational beings, where that aspiration is celebrated, not judged or moralized.