I'm going to provide clarification by giving the statement I could've given at the time, and add to it with new perspective. Pretend it's 2020 and that this isn't totally out of character for me: https://twitter.com/EthelThurston/status/1356610018712444928

2020: I've been familiar with Essence of Thought (EOT/Ethel in this thread) since before Xanderhal made content about them. My relationship to each of them is: EOT and I have exchanged professional correspondence about videos, and Xanderhal has acknowledged me during streams.

2020: My prior knowledge of Ethel began some time shortly before their very public conflict with Rationality Rules, regarding trans women in sports. It was during the RR conflict that I realized that even when I think she's right, her tactics are extremely offputting to me.

2020: As an abuse survivor myself [now Officially diagnosed with PTSD], I can understand Ethel's desire to help people who are faced with injustice. And also as an abuse survivor, I identified them as a person who I couldn't safely publicly criticize or affiliate with.

2020: That decision was made before Xanderhal pitched in to the conversation. It is consistent with my previous actions distancing myself from former friend groups where excommunication was common.

2020: I have found community in the chats of streamers like Xan and Vaush specifically because I don't have to worry about not being perfect and losing my entire social network, an anxiety developed upon years of observation (and some fear of abandonment to boot)

2020: When Xan covered EOT, I was not comfortable with the way he talked about them. However, the underlying concept that Ethel is a victim of trauma who has turned that eye onto others rang fairly true to my previous observations of their behavior.

2020: Given that I am not close with either of them, that I disagree with both of them, that I do not historically involve myself in these dramas, that I have no reason to believe I would be successful speaking to either of them, I'm distancing myself further from the situation.

2021: Now. The quoted tweet up top. Given our lack of relationship, and my discomfort with their behavior overall, I did not talk to EOT at any point. The claim that I did something *to* them deserving of an apology is... weird, to say the least.

2021: If I go namesearching on Twitter dot com and find something mean, that's me hurting my own feelings. If they're in my mentions, you could say they directly hurt me, but if they're subtweeting? Nah

2021: The other interesting thing about the quoted tweet is that for Ethel this seems to be about power. I have at no point had any desire to make them "beg on hands and knees" for an apology, and their perception that that's the case is pretty telling.

2021: The truth of the situation is that Ethel scares me, and it is HER power in these spaces that I've been effectively hiding from for a year and a half, since before the screenshots she's using to discredit me.

2021: The power she has over people's perceptions of me stopped me from saying anything, thinking it was safer to just hide. I made and ultimately scrapped a video following up about the ACA drama because it included criticism of her.

2021: If you think I'm a shitty person for hanging out in a stream chat while discussing someone I think is harmful, I don't have any defense. If you think I'm a shitty person for not making callouts, I don't have any defense, and I STILL WON'T DO IT.

2021: I'm an abuse survivor who just wants to fucking live in peace. I'm working through my issues and growing as a person, mindful that my trauma is not an excuse to be shitty to other people. And I can't be around people who aren't introspective about that.

2021: As you can see, it would've probably gone pretty badly to have said all this a year ago, which is why I didn't. It was obvious that people wouldn't support me. I don't want to be involved and I haven't wanted to be involved, which is why I didn't involve myself.

2021: I just want people to have access to my point of view. Judge me as you will.