Hello North York General:

I would LOVE to work in media relations for a hospital. I am a vocal critic of the govt, but Doug Ford vowed today he does not interfere at hospitals! You are free!

I could help bc if I was there this communication would not be the tortured mess it is. https://twitter.com/NYGH_News/status/1356723145223380998

Fyi: I am a former PC staffer. I've been on both sides if that helps.

Guess who taught me a lot about public communications like news releases and public statements?

Janet Ecker. PC Finance Minister.

Her dreaded red edit pen would have had a field day with this.

I would actually delete All of it and start from scratch.

That's how tone deaf, clunky, self-defeating and dysfunctional it is.

So instead of point by point, we'd be here ALL day (btw the quotes are awful, drop insider buzzwords), I'll briefly note 2 or 3 things you got wrong.

There's a gazillion points and lessons to make but I'll keep it down to 3 points.

Note: I'm not shaming comms staff. I can tell a committee of way too many twitchy powerful fingers above them ruined it, hence the final product.

1. "Pleased"

One "pleased" is creepy and unsettling on its own.

You were so pleased, you hit us 3 times: the tweet, the preview, and the link.

What is pleasing about a calamity that is ongoing bc it is ripping thru your community with aftershocks of unspeakable trauma/sorrow?

Was this the mood you were going for with "pleased"?

I learned "pleased is always wrong never ever use it" from Janet Ecker. That was her rule. Any time "pleased" appears in a comms product attributed to her, it means it was rushed without her review or a schmuck in a higher office snuck it in.

She *banned it* in our office.

"Pleased" is so common in corporate comms esp govt, I was used to it, so I'll never forget getting zapped for the first time.

Took me a while to appreciate why.

But this NR is a perfect example bc of pandemic: your gut screams "eeew".

But it's also a bad term in normal times.

Because "pleased" communicates nothing that powers whatever your point was.

It undermines with its neutral passivity.

That depending on the context, it says you don't care. Or you are disconnected.

It feels dismissive, minimizing, while talking down to us from a higher place.

Why did North York General corporate leadership think the number one thing we wanted to know is whether they are "pleased"?

Why was that the primary thing they told us?

Newsflash: no one cares or wants to know if you are "pleased"...about anything.

Ever.

No one.

"North York Gen Hospital is pleased about X" will never be a headline for any media outlet.

The point of a News Release opening line is offering options to frame a story.

If you knew not to use it in your headline it's def not appropriate in the opener.

Or anywhere.

Ever

That brings us to point 2.

2. Who are you talking to?

Why do they need to know?

Who *should* you be talking to?

Because the tone wouldn't feel so wrong if the message was aimed at the correct audience.

What is your mission? Who are you serving? Why do they matter to you?

If what, who and why isn't clear, and it wasn't.

Then that tells us you don't want to be doing this work.

You don't really know them

And you don't care because you're not to blame.

In other words, you don't sound like a strong community partner.

You sound like lawyers.

3. You described this horror in, once again, passive neutral language.

"Impacts".

Is that what these people and their families are?

Impacts?

And did you mean the dead or the survivors?

We don't know. Because you never once mentioned the dead.

Not.

Once.

4. WHO are YOU?

Because the health workers of North York General Hospital who helped care for these people, would not talk like this.

They met them. They tried to comfort them at death. They met their families.

They know they were humans suffering a cruel inhuman injustice.

So, this statement is not worthy of your workers.

You hurt them sending this out under the hospital name.

They're prob worried: does the public know we don't write these things and those are not our words?

Bc the public would lose trust in them. Making their work even harder.

5. What does "enhance" mean?

Tell us exactly what "enhanced" is and delete "enhanced" because it would be redundant!

See how that works?

Or is that why you used it? ?
You don't know yet? That's what it leads us to assume: you have no plan or you're not committed to doing it.