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I feel like I should say something about the Marilyn Manson and Armie Hammer situations. Because I know some kinky folks out there aren't thinking about how these powerful people probably abused their partners, but instead are thinking holy crap, what if that was me?
It happens. Consensually kinky relationships can go bad just like vanilla ones, and the kink can be weaponized. One partner can land the other in court with accusations bc they want custody of the kids, or to hurt or discredit their ex.
And sure, the media will willfully scandalize kink whenever they want to. (Note the recent president boasted on TV about being a pussy-grabber and no one batted an eye.) Watch how they treat clean-imaged Armie Hammer versus freak-imaged Manson.
I don't know the details about these relationships. I do know these are powerful figures in entertainment who could easily abuse their power. That's not about being "kinky" or what gets you off in the bedroom/dungeon.
The fact remains: if both partners can't/don't acknowledge & understand the real-world power differential between them, they can't really consent. How many abuse victims have to say "I didn't really know what I was getting into" before we grasp that?
That goes for whether the relationship goes overtly through the BDSM motions / takes part in specific kinks or it's a seemingly "vanilla" relationship where an unacknowledged power dynamic is in play.
Twitter is a bad medium for nuance and details, I know. So let's just emphasize this: whether these guys "are kinky" or not Does Not Matter. If they've crossed the line into abuse, they're abusers. BDSM and vanilla sex/relationships BOTH depend on consent.
The fact that sometimes exes can weaponize previous kinks doesn't negate the fact that abuse happens, and that patterns of abuse repeat. This is why it's important that multiple accusers have come forward. It's not just "an ex with a grudge." And this isn't about being kinky.
The media conversation around genuine kink, BDSM, and consenting relationships is still often unclear, with a lot of conflation of abusive behavior with kink. The fact that consensual kink, just like vanilla sex, can turn into abuse if consent is violated is often lost.
Ultimately I don't give a flying fig about the sex lives of celebrities *except* that their victims deserve justice, and these stories affect people's perceptions of what kink is about. The most important thing is that those who are abused are supported by society in speaking up.
And if you're in a relationship you think might be abusive, and you're worried that bc you are kinky (or queer, or trans) that regular domestic violence advocates will judge you or won't serve you, contact The Network/La Red @thenetworklared https://www.tnlr.org/en/
