Your options for accountability when you're mistreated a lot of the time seem to either be do nothing or blow up someone's entire fucking life and publicly brand them as shitty forever. The concept of abuse/an abuser being flattened contributes to this a lot I think

There's a specific person I knew irl who does some similar work to me now who I don't want to see or work with ever again but I don't want to take away their livelihood, publicly humiliate them, or hurt them in any way. So my recourse is just awkwardly dodging them forever lol

This person was horrible to me and mistreated friends of mine but they were very mentally ill and under a lot of stress and may be way better now! I don't know! I wish I could talk candidly about avoiding them in circles we both run in but I run the risk of destroying their life

If I made a thread that was like "I want to talk about (person), they did (X)" they'd probably get fired and have their career fucked up and people would support me but ultimately I'd just be hurting someone who was hurt, it wouldn't be remotely in proportion

This isn't remotely anti cancel culture or whatever, I made a public thread about how Steve Ressel groomed me, there's absolutely reason to publicly out dangerous people and abusers, just not everyone who hurt me is a DANGEROUS PERSON and it's hard to navigate :(

Like sometimes I avoid talking about people who hurt me for their own protection since the response in progressive spaces can be so over-the-top punitive for any perceived slight or misdeed. it's fucking stupid

This shit also gets weaponized for personal grudges and ends up with marginalized communities tearing each other apart over someone being rude once or whatever it's fucking stupid

This is the inverse of when a co-worker and prof at my old college job were both really creepy/inappropriate to me and the school knows about both of them and will never do shit. I've considered outing the prof but the school prob wouldn't do anything and I'm scared he'd hurt me