You! Yeah you! I hear you have issues saying no to things, and I am here to give you advice on how to help that.

As someone who has had nearly 3! mental breakdowns due to taking on too much, I can tell you that it's gonna take time, but it's totally doable! Here's how, thread:

Firstly, each year I do what I call a priorities chart - normally I do this irl with paper and post its, but the idea is to put important life priorities on post its and, without thinking too much about it, plot them on this 0-100 graph.

When you've done this, you should have a fairly solid idea of the things that mean something to you, and how they align with other things in your life. For example, my health is at 100, & fam is at 90. This means fam is still v important to me, but not more important than health.

Next, I like to take this graph, translate it to goals, & what I want to achieve, & then break it down into what time I need to set aside each day/week to achieve said thing, in a way that is creating a life balance that I want. So that includes leaving gaps for down time.

This is roughly what it looks like in my cal. I try to be vague with my blocks, health time means a lot of different things, it just depends on what I feel I need that day (today it's rest), but I make sure the time is set out for me to focus on it, because it's important to me.

NOW, here is were the "say no" part comes in - that's a pretty full calendar, isn't it? So think, if someone asks me for a meeting or help on a Thursday, immediately I'm going to have to give something up to fit it in. I can move around work stuff, but thats pre-made agreements

So it's unlikely I'll move them. The only thing I can really move is that agreement with myself to look after my health. There are some who would make this time nonnegotiable, but personally I'm a bit more flexible if it's a 1 off meeting someone is asking for.

However, if it's consistent work, or if I'm constantly having meetings taking up health time, I am going back on my number 1 priority to look after my health. It's at this point I need to evaluate, is it as important to me as I thought? If it is, I need to say no.

But you hate letting people down! Yes, I know that anxious feeling. Honestly, I feel like I'll never completely lose the anxious feeling when I say no to people - however this is were I find regular journaling really helps.

Spending time writing to reflect on why you're making the choices you are, and why the people you're saying no to will be just fine, will all help with that feeling. Try your best to find the key thoughts that are causing you anxiety and counter act them.

"what if I pass up this job and no others come" is one of my big ones as a freelancer.

My therapist recommends that for every thought that causes anxiety, you need AT LEAST 10 quality counter arguments, so aim for that.

There are definitely more tips and tricks around this subject I am likely forgetting, and YMMV, but I've found for me it's made saying no much easier, and my life much calmer, because I know concretely what I want the balance in my life to be, why and how to achieve it.

Keep in mind, if you've never done a process like this before, it may take time & a few iterations to find the right balance for you. It may mean letting go of things you already do - keep in mind changing your mind based on new info is a basic human right, & do what you need to!