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Years ago, I knew a man who was serially unfaithful to his wife. He would get caught, and apologize, then do it again. For years. Eventually, when she was ready to leave, he vowed to be faithful, once and for all.
And he was. Sort of. (1/)
And he was. Sort of. (1/)
He continued to flirt with other women. He continued to spend time with his female co-workers. When his wife got upset, he responded defensively: "I'm not cheating! I apologized! Why won't you trust me?" (2/)
This man could not understand that one apology--or even 10--would not restore her trust. He could not understand that she needed more than "not cheating." She needed above and beyond repentance. Nor could he understand the long-term fall out of the trauma he had inflicted. (3/)
Instead he insisted, "What else do you want from me? I apologized!" And because of this, he continued to treat her as if her pain, and her fear, was the real problem.(4/)
This, to me, is a metaphor for racism in America. We think an apology is enough. We think not being overtly racist is enough. We think doing the right thing here & there is enough.
So when Black Americans express hurt, we act surprised: "Why aren't you over that yet?" (/5)
So when Black Americans express hurt, we act surprised: "Why aren't you over that yet?" (/5)
Thanks to those of you who passed this along to me! Not surprisingly, @prophiphop put it much more beautifully and powerfully than I ever could:
