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At the beginning of the attack on the capitol, I was outraged. All I saw were these mother fuckers that got to do what they wanted, nobody was shot, killed, arrested, hit with batons, tear gassed, nothing.
As it went on, and they started showing people breaking in and moving inside, my outrage intensified. How could this be happening? Then they started showing the pictures of the police with guns drawn. And then somebody was killed.
I down shifted from outrage to fear. It started to be clear that something was wrong-that this wasn’t a case of peaceful protestors taking over an over militarized zone w intention of symbolically protesting something they didn’t agree with. This was an attack.
as footage started coming out, my outrage at the police allowing it to happen became more complicated. There were clearly cops that didn’t mind what happened. But...there were cops that were being crushed and getting their eyes gouged out. And then there were cops being beaten.
And the footage of the rage—this was not a riot, this was coordinated rage. The sound of that rage, thousands of men screaming ‘ill fucking kill you’—that’s not easy to forget.
The rage of men. The rage of murderous white men. Yes women were there, yes women participated. The the sound of rage is the sound of thousands of men ready to kill. Many of us grew up with one man making that sound. Many of us experience the man we love making that sound at us.
A person was killed on the front steps of the capitol. Crushed by the rage of men. At my alma mater, their is a plaque marking the spot JFK stood when he made a speech there. Will there be a plaque to mark the spot a woman was crushed to death? Or where a cop was beaten?
A person was killed on the front steps of the capitol. A person was killed by white male rage on the front steps of the capitol.
A cop was beaten to death. Other cops will or have lost body parts. Millions of dollars of destruction of property. Men with zip ties and guns, two very real bombs deactivated. The sound of rage swirling and beating every moment of the attack.
And now men are telling us women that dare to give voice to the fear are histrionic? Now men are telling us, there was nothing to fear in that unbridled rage? it was just a man knocking on the door!
The woman that was crushed by that rage? She was there in support of it. As women often are. Her friend told everybody in the area, she’s being killed, she’s dead. He is screaming for help. And the rage doesn’t stop. It rarely does.
Another woman experienced something similar. Screaming for help while she was being attacked and her cameras destroyed. Nobody came to help.
How many women have experienced that rage. Screamed for help. And nobody comes? How many people have lived through actual lunch mob situations. And know the sound of that destructive rage?
There’s a situation I am reminded of. MLK and his congregation are at church, holding a service. The church is surrounded by white people outside. You can hear the rage of those white people in the church.
That white destructive rage is as old as the US. We all understand what it means. Somebody is going to die. Just like they were promised. Donald Trump promised for four years that AOC, rashida Tlaib, Ilhan Omar and Ayana Presley were not safe. That they better watch their backs.
black women and women of color live with that threat, that promise, hanging over their heads every single day of their lives. they have to make the choice in how they're going to react to that promise.
audre lorde talked a ton about 'ur silence will not protect you.' because she recognized that many made the choice to be silent and keep their heads down and 'stay out of trouble' in hopes of surviving.
there is generational knowledge in the black community on how to face down the promise of death and live any way. there is generational awareness in communities of color that the promise of death must be negotiated.
and there is generational assumption on the part of white men--they can manage that rage. they alone know how to control it, they alone don't fear it, they are smart enough to know that they didn't really MEAN anything by it.
