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THREAD: I have weekly group therapy for "emotional recognition". I look around that group and understand that we're not different, we're just the ones who have asked for help. 90% of the group are young women, and I'm the only straight man and the only member over 35 (I'm 47).
I don't believe for a moment that straight men over 35 have got their shit together any more than any other demographic, but I do absolutely believe that straight men over 35 are more likely to sit and stew in their unhappiness, anxiety and despair than they are to ask for help.
Asking for help is anathema to me. I was brought up, both deliberately and unwittingly, NEVER to ask for help. To do everything by myself. Nonetheless, one day last summer I realised I was in trouble and I picked up the phone to my GP. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't.
You're not failing. You're not a disappointment. You're not supposed to "stay strong". Humans are literally not evolved to deal with this kind of situation on an ongoing basis. We're built (as a very clever woman said to me the other day) to escape from a sabre-toothed tiger...
...and then sit around in the cave later on telling everybody about it and having a good laugh. NOBODY is coming through this shit unscathed. Be your own friend. No matter how impossible it seems, talk to somebody. The minute you open your mouth, you'll be glad you did.
